


Lost & Found

by bobbiejelly



Series: Guess Who's Crushing on Addison Montgomery? [8]
Category: Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice
Genre: F/F, How Derek found out, Lost & Found, MerAdd, meddison
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:47:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 39,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24945622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly
Summary: Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery
Series: Guess Who's Crushing on Addison Montgomery? [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797412
Comments: 151
Kudos: 61





	1. After (1)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LarisUSB](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarisUSB/gifts), [EmyLilas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmyLilas/gifts), [lydialyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydialyn/gifts), [LordofLezzies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordofLezzies/gifts), [ThatWinchesterGirl67](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWinchesterGirl67/gifts), [AddisonAddek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddisonAddek/gifts), [lespians](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lespians/gifts), [lightningmaystrike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningmaystrike/gifts), [Kristin_Aubrie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kristin_Aubrie/gifts), [pclauink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pclauink/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts), [SPNHP](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SPNHP/gifts), [bigredbirdthatlivesunderthecity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigredbirdthatlivesunderthecity/gifts), [lineeelin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lineeelin/gifts), [Ye_Feral_Gremlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ye_Feral_Gremlin/gifts), [tornyourdress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/gifts), [AussiRayne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AussiRayne/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Not Funny](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/639079) by indubitablyepic. 
  * Inspired by [Something Beautiful](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/639085) by LezBeDaisy. 
  * Inspired by [Prom](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/641383) by tornyourdress. 
  * Inspired by [Choices](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/641386) by tornyourdress. 
  * Inspired by [What Is It](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/641389) by tornyourdress. 
  * Inspired by [Not Fine](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/641821) by mrsfjl66. 
  * Inspired by [You Were the One](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/642004) by MELTYOUDOWN. 
  * Inspired by [Maybe We’ve Crossed A Line](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/642031) by MichelleK. 
  * Inspired by [Say That I’m Rediculous](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/642034) by MichelleK. 
  * Inspired by [Tactile](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/644518) by meltyoudown. 
  * Inspired by [The Dirty Mistress and the Adulterous Bitch](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/645202) by alittlebitmad. 
  * Inspired by [Symmetry](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/645205) by alittlebitmad. 
  * Inspired by [Prom?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24438112) by [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly). 



> This idea got stuck in my head and I ran with it. Yeah, I'm still working on Chapter next of Bubble... But here's this in the meantime! Gifted to recent lovely commenters on my MerAdd works! Also gifted and inspired by HavenRose who wrote a new MerAdd work published here, today, "The Devil Herself, With Meredith Grey," which is fantastic and I highly recommend it!

_Author's Note:_

This story writing style has been inspired/copied/adapted from LezBeDaizy's "Something Beautiful," which, if you've not read that on Wattpad, I highly recommend you do that immediately after reading this. It's probably one of my all-time favorite MerAdd stories. Ever.

This story will eventually be Rated E for explicit. It's in the first-person perspective of the character listed in capital letters at the start of the chapter. You'll see, hopefully, this all makes sense. Let me know if it doesn't.

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

[ **Lost & Found** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24945622/chapters/60378793)

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**[Chapter 1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24945622/chapters/60378793): After (1)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

_I should have known he'd find her lost panties there and of course, he'd recognize them as hers anyway._

They'd been married for over ten years.

He'd have to be stupid not to know his own wife's underwear.

And Derek's not stupid, in fact, he's a brain surgeon.

If I hadn't get all hot-and-bothered about that I probably wouldn't be here right now in his trailer half-naked, now would I?

You see, I remember Addison having struggled to find hers after we-.

Well, let's just say I should have known that he'd find them there eventually.

I should have looked harder to find them myself first, but I got busy and lazy and maybe I just didn't care.

I should probably care now; Derek Christopher Shepherd is tearing me a new one and all I can hear over the ringing of my boyfriend's cries are the insults, for me, for her.

The ones about her hurt more than the ones about me.

Everyone already knew about me being a homewrecker twice over. The first time it was an accident. The second time it wasn't.

And now everybody knows about the third time I've been a homewrecker when I fucked two Doctor Shepherd's one after the other.

No one has asked me so far which one I liked better.

I'd tell them if they asked me, no problem.

_It's just that simple._

But no one has asked me that yet, because only Derek knows so far other than of course Addison because she was _there_ , and Derek still hasn't stopped screaming at me yet.

He has a point though, Derek does, kind of.

Just because his wife screwed his best friend and he screwed me as his mistress (again!) doesn't really give Addison and I the go-ahead to get naked together after the prom.

It's not like an eye-for-an-eye or tit-for-tat is a real game that doesn't end in severe blindness.

Or for Derek to have to end up imagining his current mistress and current wife screwing without him while not thinking about _him_ at all.

Oh well, he'll get over it or he won't.

He's McDreamy, she's Mrs. McDreamy.

_Though I imagine after all of this, Addison might not be a "Mrs." for very much longer, at least for a little while, after all._

* * *

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 1**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Inspired by "Not Funny," by indubitablyepic on LiveJournal. Seriously, go read that, it's in the inspired works on Ao3, or can be found by searching those things plus Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery fanfiction.

These chapters will be all pretty short but hopefully numerous and quick to be published.

Let me know what you think so far!

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	2. Before (1)

_Author's Note:_

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 2: Before (1)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

_He's looking at her not me._

I'm looking at him and not her because I can tell he's not looking at me because he's looking at her and then I'm looking at her and I can't fucking stop.

_GODDAMNIT!_

Derek Christopher Shepherd is my husband of eleven-plus years and now he's staring at his ex-mistress, Meredith Grey, while he's taking me to the hospital prom and I just cannot bring myself to blame him.

He looks at her the way he's never looked at me.

Mark Sloan used to look at me like that.

It made me want to sex him up. Then I did. Oops.

That look must have made her want to sex my husband up. So he did. Oops again.

Not that Meredith knew that married-Derek part at the time.

You see, that's the difference here; she's a homewrecker and I'm a whore but she didn't know better then, but I did.

Derek did too, I suppose, as did Mark.

Both of them knew they were participating in adultery, Derek as the cheating husband, Mark as the dirty mistress.

When you say it that way it sounds like they were fucking _each other_ but that's not the case.

(Probably? Suddenly I wonder if I'm not straight if Derek and Mark are kinda gay also, and for each other? But it doesn't really matter now, anyway?).

Because nobody seems to ever blame the boys in these types of situations.

I'm in a situation now though, because Meredith Grey is walking down the stairwell in her long black v-neck dress that highlights her slender figure and I'm going to hell the way I'm thinking about her.

I never told Derek I like women also. I never told Mark either.

I never told anyone that, ever, because my mother might actually murder me and have my former nanny whom I love, Susan Grant, help her hide the body.

Yes, my mother, Bizzy Forbes, as terrible as she is, has a 'person,' whom I've not seen in decades but who sees my mother quite frequently.

And both of them would probably strongly disapprove of the way I'm lusting over my husband's ex-mistress now.

As in, I want her to bend me over a table and take off all of my clothes.

And I don't even care if I have to be not-married for that to happen with her.

I've already had one affair, he's had one too, what's another one on our bedpost gonna matter anyway?

I should probably leave Derek, or he should leave me, or something like that.

But then again, we'd both end up fighting over Meredith Grey in the divorce.

_And I'm not sure I'd win her over him anyway, so I'm not going to bring up the idea._

* * *

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*

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 2**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Yes, I have watched Private Practice as well as Grey's Anatomy & Station 19 in their current entirety.

The irony is not lost on me. Nor am I shameless enough not to talk about that fact.

I won't spoiler it directly though if you haven't watched it yet.

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	3. After (2)

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for all the lovely feedback on this one so far!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress_

* * *

**Chapter 3: After (2)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

_When Derek stops yelling he asks me why the hell I did it._

I roll my eyes at him.

I mean I did _him,_ too, right? So I mean, Jesus, does he really get to her mad over me being a slut? Or is he only okay with it when it works out in his favor?

That's probably it- because he's doubly mad because in me sexing Addison he's 'not getting any,' twice over at once.

Sort of.

I mean, he could have theoretically been getting lucky with his wife and he'd taken her to the hospital prom.

But he's already literally screwed himself after that fantasy after he'd fucked me on the exam room table.

So he really needs to get over the fact that he can't have his cake and eat it too.

(But maybe I can? I did? Whatever?).

Derek's talking all stern like he has the right to take the moral high-ground here.

Seriously, he lied to me about Addison, and then I lied to him about Addison.

We're even here.

_Or at least we should be._

What? Derek did it, too. Well, we did it, too. At the prom, we did it with each other first, I mean…

It really hurt Addison and she knew right away, too.

She took one look at him, at me, and she knew and he knew she knew and I knew she knew and I hated that.

I hurt her more than she hurt Mark and more than she hurt Derek and Derek hurt her and I wanted to give her something - anything - to take some of her pain away.

So I gave her myself.

Or rather, I took her for myself.

Because Addison asked me to, obviously. Or more so, _she_ _begged me to._ She really wanted me.

And I wanted her just as much or even more.

Derek asks again why I did it.

I tell him my answer.

"I let you give sex to me because you treat us both like shit and it sucks. I gave sex to your wife for the very same reason. And I'm sorry I did you but I'm not sorry I did her. And for that, I'm actually really fucking sorry. I mean, that you have to find out about all this, this way,"

It's the truest thing I ever spoke in my life about lies.

Derek starts yelling again. I tune him out for a while.

He keeps on yelling.

I stop fully listening.

He makes a comment about how I'm a whore again especially for Dr. Shepherd's.

I tell him I'd have wanted his super-sexy-sweet-secret-wife, Addison, anyway.

Derek shuts up after that. He doesn't have anything good to say back to that.

_And neither do I for that matter._

* * *

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 3**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

A few people have requested that I write Meredith/Addison have an affair. Well, I guess that would be this, then. Let me know what you think! This is very angsty right now. It'll probably be angstier still. And then sexy. And who knows what else. If I continue it?

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ bobbiejelly ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	4. Before (2)

_Author's Note:_

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 4: Before (2)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

_When the music comes on at the hospital prom, I take Derek's hand and Meredith takes Finn Dandridge's hand and we all start dancing with our respective partners._

Derek is staring over my shoulder at Meredith and Meredith is staring over Finn's shoulder at Derek and Finn just looks really lost.

I probably look really lost also.

Could you blame me? Probably not.

I mean, here I am and my husband is lusting over an intern he'd met at Joe's Bar (Emerald City Bar?), after he ran away from Mark and me to Seattle.

And Meredith is looking at my husband like he's fresh steak and I guess I married him so I sort of get that.

He does have good hair after all.

Meredith calls him McDreamy and I heard that from Izzie who agreed that probably embarrassed the shit out of him.

Except I'm not sure it does or it doesn't because Derek loves having doe-eyes-girls fawning over him.

Actually, so do I, but I'm not ready to admit that out loud yet. Or ever. _Whatever_.

Finn is talking about his new _plans_ to Meredith and I'm eavesdropping because Derek's not saying anything.

Derek is too busy eye sexing his ex-mistress to care about talking to the likes of me, his old dried up wife. Of over ten years.

We have tried to sleep together a few times (Derek and I), since Seattle. It didn't go well. Worse even than in New York.

It was boring for him and even boring-er for me. Not that that's an actual word but again, who the fuck cares.

It was so boring that we ended up calling the vet _during._

And not even in a panting way either.

I bet that Meredith makes him breathless in bed. I bet that he tries harder to make her go breathless.

I'd like to be fucked so hard I can't breathe hardly until after it's over.

I'd like to be fucked hard by a woman. Derek's woman. My husband's other woman.

Would that make me the other-other woman? Or would the term be "another woman?" And would that make her the double-dirty-mistress like a double-dog dare?

_I have no idea._

Maybe Finn would have an idea.

I should ask him because he's the only one here right now because Derek went off to find and fuck Meredith.

Poor Finn doesn't know that he's being cheated on but I do already. I know my husband, and I know what he looks like when he's chasing tail.

I now know what Meredith looks like when she's about to get laid. I want her in my bed and not his. I realize how much of a satanic slut this all makes me.

I roll my eyes at the thought.

Finn comes over to ask him if I'm okay. I tell him I'm not and he shouldn't be, either.

He asks why.

I just started crying.

Finn Dandridge just comforts me.

Finn is a much better guy than Derek (and Mark?), here I realize.

Why is it that sweet and kind Finn is getting the short end of the stick here?

He's a fucking vet and now he's the dog who's not getting a _bone_.

(Literally).

I realize Finn thinks I'm insane now because I'm laughing at my own stupid joke without telling him what it is because it's too inappropriate for a dance and also just too depressing.

_Oh well, if he thinks I'm insane, he'd be right because I am though, aren't I?_

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 4**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Somehow this is a comedy and I'm all for it.

Please do keep telling me which parts make you smirk.

Most of it does for me I think?

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	5. After (3)

_Author's Note:_

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 5: After (3)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

_"Has this happened before? Or after? Or before AND after? You and Addison, having sex- and together... I mean...?" Derek asks me._

"No, it hasn't. That time that Addison and I slept together after we slept together at prom was the only time the two of us ever slept together. I swear," I answer.

It's the truth. And you know he knows who you're talking about anyway.

_Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery._

What a pretty name for a woman.

She's a pretty woman to match, also.

And she has an even prettier soul...

 _Addison_ is...

Derek's current(?) wife.

My current(?) mistress.

Mark Sloan's ex-mistress? Wait, no, because she's married so Mark would be _her_ dirty mistress...

(I still kind of hate him for that even though I don't know him so all I know is he fucked Addison behind Derek's back and I hate him like I hate Derek because he's fucked Addison more times than I have. Oops. I didn't realize I'd just admitted that part to myself. Whatthefuck, Jesus, Meredith?!).

Now I'm Derek's ex-mistress and his wife's current mistress.

And so I'm his boyfriend now but I assume I'll be his ex-boyfriend soon.

And I assume that Addison will probably be Derek's ex-wife as soon as the papers come through.

_It's awkward._

For all of you.

But mostly for Derek Shepherd.

Because Derek's your boyfriend and Addison's husband but probably soon to be ex-husband at the same time and all.

Derek will be losing his wife and his girlfriend (to each other? I still have hope about that. Even though I probably shouldn't still have so damn much of it for 'you and her').

Idly, I wonder if Mark Sloan's this messed-up, also. I've never met him but he used to be Derek's best friend, and then he fucked Addison (which I hate him for out of jealousy over her, of course, now).

And then he stayed with Addison in New York until he knocked Addie up and cheated on her and not necessarily in that order either.

Yeah, I guess Mark's pretty fucked up too.

Mark would probably like me also, I realize.

The thought gives me no comfort, though.

If Mark liked Addison while she was with Derek, he'd probably like me while I'm with Derek. And also Addison. Actually, he'd probably like _that_ most of all.

Ugh. Men. Penises.

And the fact that the people having them tend to like lesbian ladies which makes no sense when you think of it because if the girls are going at it together they're probably not looking to ask a guy to join in but then again I'm just speculating.

I've never had a threesome. I wonder if Derek has. Or Mark has. Or Addison has.

Actually, I sort of wonder if they've all had a threesome together.

It would make sense, after all. They'd all been best friends, right?

But anyway, back to the stupid nonsensical instincts that make 'straight guys,' get off on non-straight-girls' private activities.

It's their stupid boy-penises that make men the worst.

If you said that aloud though people would probably lock you up for being such a hypocrite seeing as you've screwed hundreds of men in your days. Also hundreds of women. But they don't know to be intrigued about that part yet.

"Did you ask her or did she ask you?" Derek asks me.

"Huh?" I realize I have no idea what he just said to me.

"Did you ask Addison or-" I cut him off this time.

"No, she asked me," I sigh.

"Addison wasn't drunk or high either, I promise, and you already knew I was sober," I explain so he knows I'm not some intoxicated mistake or hers or mine or even both.

"Wait but SHE asked YOU to what, fuck her?" Derek asks me in alarm.

"Yeah? I just said that? Didn't I?" I rationalize.

"But she was married?" Derek wonders aloud.

"So are you?" I counter.

"But she was seeing me?" Derek wonders again.

"So were you?" I counter again.

"But she-" Derek starts again before he has to start again because he's stumbling over his own damn question.

None of these arguments are getting anywhere but they just keep coming back so I guess I just stand here and counter everything Derek has to say to me about Addison. _Right?_

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 5**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for all the feedback on this one!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	6. Before (3)

_Author's Note:_

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 6: Before (3)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

Finn Dandridge is hugging me and people are staring at both of us and it's pissing me off because- _we're not the ones having a fucking affair, here, they are, Goddammit!._

People are staring because they know I'm married and Meredith's dating Finn and he's wearing a tux that looks like Derek's and I'm wearing a red dress that looks nothing like Meredith's and this is all so fucked up I could die.

"Are you okay?" Asks Finn.

You realize he might not remember my name.

Even though he put our (Meredith, Derek and my) dog, Doc, or McDog, down today and I walked away from it all because I couldn't bear him being let go.

I loved that dog more than anything even if I didn't admit that to Derek or Meredith or anyone else for that matter.

Bailey might have guessed that fact based on the way I got poison oak walking him.

But I'm sure Derek didn't know even though he'd known about the poison oak thing.

Derek didn't pay attention to me then even when I was right in front of him and he's most certainly not paying attention to me right now.

Right now, Derek is off fucking Meredith somewhere and I try to hate Derek and I can't bring myself to hate _Meredith_ (because I kinda like-like her), so I just hate myself even more.

Finn's paying attention to me though, and I think it's ridiculous that my prophecy came true.

I yelled at Derek two days ago that if I dated the vet it wouldn't matter because I'm not Meredith Grey.

Turns out that's true as it can be, not that I'm _dating_ Finne, but he's hugging (consoling) me, and I'm hugging (consoling) him back, and Derek's nowhere to be found.

I ask Finn if he wants to dance with me as some sort of a 'consolation prize,'.

Finn smiles and says I'm prettier than just a 'consolation prize,'.

I tell Finn right then and there that I will NOT under any circumstances have an affair with HIM at this hospital PROM.

Finn just laughs and says he's relieved because he thinks I'm wonderful but that I'm not really his 'type,' and he's not quite over his dead wife anyway.

"But what about Meredith?" I ask Finn. I reveal as we start dancing but not slow-dancing, just regular-dancing, and just because it's awkward to stand still to music.

"Meredith, she's… Meredith is different... I can't explain it…" Finn tells you.

"I know," I admit. Finn doesn't take it as an admission though, Finn just looks at me sympathetically and says "I'm sorry your husband's cheating on you with her," with a sigh.

Oh.

That's when I realize Finn's figured it out also.

"What are you going to do now about all your plans?" I ask Finn.

I may not want him, but I kind of want Finn to be happy. He's a really good guy after all.

"I still have all my animals to take care of as friends. Do you know that Meredith helped me birth a horse the other day? It was her first time doing that on our first date and then we had dinner but we never slept together, then, or ever," says Finn to me in a rather brutally honest way.

"Meredith helped you birth a horse?" I ask, realizing I just focused on the 'her,' part of his sentence.

"Yeah, Meredith helped you birth a baby, didn't she?" Finn asks you.

I laugh because it's true but the parallels are so ridiculous and her helping out the patients while she's scheduled on a case with me is so different than Meredith willingly participating in a horse-birthing in her free time in the evening.

"Is she good?" Finn asks me.

"WHAT?!" I freak out because my mind stupidly jumps to the question 'is she at all good in bed like your husband probably thinks that she is, seeing as he's chased her down the hallway to have his way with her while he's married to you and she's dating me and we're at a stupid-ass hospital prom?'

"Is Meredith good at birthing babies? She's good at birthing horses, or at least she was that time… I just figured she'd be good at it that's all," Finn offers.

(Oh.)

"Yeah, she's uh," I realize I can't say this with a straight face.

_Straight - HA!_

(Dude. Not the time. For really gay-ass-puns.)

"Meredith is a talented surgeon," I finally settle on because I can't say the word "Doctor," without imagining her 'playing Doctor,' with me. _Fuck._

"I'm glad. I'm proud of her, you know? Meredith is a good person," Finn smiles.

"I know," I sigh, because it's so damn true and it would be so much easier if I could have just hated my husband's no-longer-ex-mistress on principle.

"Do you, are you, you?" Finn mumbles incoherently.

"Huh?" I ask Finn, wondering what the hell he's trying to ask me.

"Never mind, it's none of my business," Finn offers kindly.

(This is why he's such a good guy!)

"Thanks," I say and he nods.

I fast-dance with Finn until Derek and Meredith emerge from the exam room looking sheepish and disheveled and flustered.

"Hey, Meredith," Finn pretends he doesn't notice their fucked-out appearances.

"Hey, Meredith," I say, realizing too late I said her name instead of my husband's.

_Sorry, Derek. But I'm not really sorry. I really probably totally should be???_

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

****** **END OF CHAPTER 6**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for following along with this semi-slow burn about their semi-formal and semi-slow dances.

Okay, now I need to stop saying 'semi,'.

Take care and see you all in the comments!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	7. After (4)

_Author's Note:_

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 7: After (4)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

The questions continue for a little while.

I seriously want him to get out of here because I'm kinda done with this boyfriend thing now that Derek's found Addison's panties inside my dress.

We both know it's over, it's so very _over_.

But Derek seems intent on keeping his questions no matter the over-ness of the situation and I keep defending Addison at every opportunity.

Even if she turned me down after we had sex at the prom, it doesn't mean that I can't still defend her because I-

I want to.

Plain and simple as that.

Because it's not like there's anyone else around here to fight for her.

Not even Mark, who probably still loves her, or some shit like that.

And speaking of the who-the-whatever, Derek's bringing up his ex(?)-best friend now.

"But Addison, she fucked Mark?" Derek wonders aloud.

"So did you?" I counter with the same answer I said to all of the other stupid statements he's said so far and Derk responds accordingly before I fully process what I just said…

(And ergo implied about Derek, and about Mark, and about MarkAndDerek).

"WHAT THE FUCK MEREDITH. WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU THAT. DID SHE?" Derek yells at me again.

"Huh?" I ask because I'm not sure what just happened. Seriously? What just happened? Huh?

"Or did you already know Mark and he told you I cheated on Addison with him before she did with him and then after I cheated on her with him again?" Derek says while waving his arms in the air.

"Uh, I've never spoken to Mark Sloan in my life," I say because it's the truth.

"Then who the hell told you I fucked Mark?" Says Derek.

"Umm. You did, actually. As in, like, just now," I say awkwardly.

"Wait, so does Addison know that? Did she-" Derek wonders again.

"No. She never knew that. At all, ever," I answer.

"Oh shit," says Derek.

"Umm, I should probably go, now," I say awkwardly.

"Just don't- just. Just don't tell her that, about Mark and I. It should be me. Or Mark. Or both of us. Together. Or not together. Or- Addison shouldn't have to find out through you…" Derek says shyly.

"I won't tell her if you promise that you will, but to be perfectly clear, Derek, you and I, we're completely over, if that wasn't actually obvious," I promise Derek.

So Derek is my ex-boyfriend now, and Derek is still Addison's wife but they're fixing that part, and Derek is also Mark's ex-who-knows-what, but maybe Derek wants to get back with his man-crush after he's getting dumped by his girlfriend and wife on the same day via Addison's underwear?

I think that's what's happening, anyway. But I could be wrong...

"Do you hate me, Meredith?" Derek asks me, snapping me out of my inner monologue.

"I'm not sure yet," I say because I don't know.

"Do you hate Mark?" Derek asks me.

"I've never met Mark," I say because I don't think it's fair for me to judge him just based on stories.

"Are you-?" I don't say it but I know he knows what I'm asking here.

"Are you?" Derek asks me right back.

"Sort of?" I say because it's sort-of true and not-true and I'm not fully sure of the terminology here.

"So am I. Sort of. I guess," Derek sighs.

"Umm, ok, whatever?" I shrug.

"Yeah, whatever, ok," Derek shrugs also.

"Is Mark-?" I ask him.

"Umm," Derek says awkwardly.

"Right. I've never met him. Not my business," I take that back.

"Right," says Derek, squinting at me.

"Is Addison-" I cut myself off because I'm not sure if I want to know his answer.

"Wouldn't you be the one to tell me that?" Derek counters snarkily.

_M'kay, so he went there asking me this. He has every right to I guess._

"Do you want to know?" I ask him sincerely.

"Not really," Derek says with a sigh.

"Alright, I didn't really want to tell you anything anyway, and neither did Addison, for that matter…" I trailed off my answer.

"Do you hate Addison?" Derek asks me astutely.

"No. I don't hate Addison. And I never did," I finally admit to Derek.

"Do you-" Derek starts asking you another question before he stops himself.

"I should probably go now," I say as I get dressed quickly and call for a cab.

"You're going?" Derek parrots back to me.

"I'm leaving, and I'm leaving you, but you're leaving me anyway, or we're just over?" I say, starting strong but ending a bit more hesitantly without meaning to fade off at all.

"Yeah, we're over, and I guess you might wanna go, away, I mean, probably. I'm sorry, Meredith. For all of it," Derek says softly.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to," I say, thinking only of Addison.

"Right," says Derek.

"Umm," you saw awkwardly because you're not sure what's supposed to be happening here.

"I'm gonna go now," Derek says to me and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Goodbye, Derek," I say to him with a certain finality to it and I don't look back at all.

"Goodbye, Meredith," says Derek, not looking back either as he walks away and out of my room and out of my house.

This time I realize that for the first time, there's no one else's shoulder that could be blocking my view of him if I had wanted to look over the non-existing-it to see him again.

But I realize you don't want to look at Derek Christopher Shepherd (ever?) again.

Not over anyone's shoulder, much less Finn Dandridge's.

Much, much, much, less (his?)... Addison's.

So I don't and I just let him get in the cab and let the nice cabbie drive him home without another word.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

****** **END OF CHAPTER 7**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Was this a surprise to you? Or no? It probably depends on how much of my writing you've read in the past.

Yeah, so we have the Derek and Mark plotline here to sharpen the story.

How will this end? I have no idea yet. Thoughts!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	8. Before (4)

_Author's Note:_

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 8: Before (4)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

"Hey, Addison, I'm-" Meredith starts to apologize to me, and then she stops herself when Derek starts looking at her.

He's looking at her again. I figured that's why she left with him in the first place. Derek gets that soft-eye look when he looks at someone and it tends to seduce people.

Even Meredith Grey. Especially Meredith Grey. I wish _my_ eyes could seduce _her_ like that.

Wait, what?

_Fuck._

"Would you like to dance?" Finn breaks the tension and offers his hand out to Meredith.

"Would you like to dance?" Derek dutifully offers his hand out to me.

I glare at Derek, I stare him down, because who the hell offers his wife to dance with her after he's just finished cheating on her with his ex-mistress-girlfriend/now-mistress-all-over-again.

"Umm, I'm not sure if I'm up for more dancing," Meredith shrugs awkwardly at Finn and reddens as she looks completely guilty as hell.

I can tell that Meredith feels sorry for Finn, the same way that I do- because Finn is a good guy who's gotten caught in the crossfire of mine and Derek and Meredith's love-triangle. Wait, but Addison Mark in that makes it a square or a pentagon or maybe a tetrahedron?

I have no idea about that because I barely passed calculus much less geometry…

I don't generally advertise that, either, to anyone because no one wants a doctor who's sort-of-shit at math even if there's no math like that to surgery a computer can't fix.

People think I'm smart but I'm not smart at everything and I guess I suck at math and also relationships.

Or maybe it's Derek who sucks at relationships and I just picked a dud.

Or actually, I'm the dud, because I cheated on him first with Mark, anyway.

"I'm not really up for more dancing, either, right now," I say because I'm not and I just need to get out of here for a second.

Derek is staring at Meredith in a lustful way and Finn is staring at me in a pitying way and I can't stand either of those things right now.

Meredith starts running away again and I end up following.

I realize I'm basically chasing her and I'm no better than my husband for this but I don't care right now.

I can hear Derek and Finn chuckling at us in an amusing way and I hate that even more as if they're trivializing us and it's so annoying and Finn has new plans apparently, just ones that don't involve Meredith, which is probably for the best (or I say that selfishly?).

Finn makes a joke about Meredith and I running off to have 'an adventure together,' and Derek takes it sexually and responds about that.

"My wife's not gay," Derek shrugs. _If only he knew the truth about me._

"My girlfriend's not either," Finn shrugs back at Derek. _Finn probably knows the truth about her._

Eventually, I can't hear their whisperings anymore because we're too far past prom for all that.

"Meredith," I say, nearly sobbing in pain once we're quite far down the hallway.

Meredith doesn't turn around though, not for a while, until she does.

"Addison, I'm so sorry, I really am," Meredith apologizes profusely.

"I-" I start but I have nothing coherent to say to her.

"Addison, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Or Finn," says Meredith.

_She doesn't say, Derek._

"Ah-" I really can't get it together to talk to her.

"It was a bad decision. I regret it. Believe me," Meredith sighs.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I apologize because I don't like to see her in pain like this.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," says Meredith.

"Mark, I guess?" I rationalize.

"I didn't even know you or even about you, or Mark, back then," says Meredith.

"Right. I didn't know about me when you met Derek, so I guess I forgive you for that part," I say.

"Is Mark a good guy?" Asks Meredith suddenly.

"Umm-" I have no idea how to answer that question.

"Oh, you don't have to answer that," says Meredith politely.

It's a bit in the same way Finn didn't push me to answer his questions.

I'm not sure where the Finn-Meredith-comparisons started here.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Meredith asks me.

"What?" I ask because I'm not sure what she's asking here.

"Do you want to leave this stupid-ass-prom?" Meredith offers you.

"Oh, yeah, kinda," I say because I really do. I'm tired of looking at my adulterous whore of a husband. I'm tired of feeling sorry for Finn. I just want to not be around them right now and I secretly want to get closer to Meredith.

I should hate her for being the woman who's been screwing my husband - AGAIN!? But I don't.

And she's talking all gentle to me and it makes me feel okay and I have not felt okay since long before leaving New York for Seattle.

"Oh, where do you want to go?" Meredith asks awkwardly, realizing she has no idea.

You realize it's probably rude to invite yourself over to her house but it would be slutty of you to take her back to your hotel room and you're not going back to Derek's trailer…

"Do you want to go over to Cristina's? I have her spare key and she's here because Burke got shot. I'm sure she won't mind, she basically lives at my house anyway, and I basically live at her's sometimes, and I even have my own (sort-of) room there," says Meredith.

"Oh, are you sure?" I say because I don't want her best friend to hate her. Or me. Cristina is _scary._

(Not that I'd ever admit that, me being her boss and all, but she is!)

"I'm sure. Are you?" Meredith asks me.

See, this is the shit that gets me into trouble with her because the way she's looking at me now, it's like I'm someone special. And she makes me feel special.

And it worked on my husband and it's working on me now.

And I don't know what that makes me but it makes her look beautiful and I'm just so tired tonight.

"Yeah, I'm sure, th-thanks Meredith," I say softly.

"Come on, then," Meredith offers.

And I say yes to her offer to _finally_ ditch the hospital prom (together with Meredith Grey!?).

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

****** **END OF CHAPTER 8**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for following along with this semi-slow burn about their semi-formal and semi-slow dances.

Okay, now I need to stop saying 'semi,'.

Take care and see you all in the comments!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	9. After (5)

_Author's Note:_

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 9: After (5)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

It's really fucking cold outside.

I realize this as I send Derek away.

He was at my house where he found my dress with her panties in them.

_His wife's panties in them. Soon to be ex-wife. Or ex-wife. Who the fuck knows. They're over. We're over. Derek's just got double-dumped._

Well, it serves him right for double-dipping between us.

And by 'us,' I mean Addison and I.

And before someone goes and calls me a hypocrite here because I also very recently double-dipped between Derek and Addison-

Well, actually I'm just a hypocrite- end of the story.

And I'm double-dumped also because I just left Derek and I didn't try to leave _her,_ but Addison didn't want me as her girlfriend after what happened at the hospital prom, so now I'm just double-lonely here and I can't call Finn either because he already knows.

I sit in my empty-of-both-and-either-Doctor-Shepherd's-house wishing something would happen and then I wish I hadn't wished that something would happen because something happened and it was really shit.

Denny Duquette died, apparently, and I was too busy screwing the She-Shepherd to have noticed it and I remember it again now because Izzie's been baking muffins non-stop

So my house isn't empty of just anyone.

Actually, it's full of practically everyone.

The only people who are NOT here are Derek Shepherd (because he just left), Preston Burke (he got shot so he lives at Seattle Grace as a _patient_ , now), Richard Webber (because he doesn't come over often anymore and hasn't since I was a child), Miranda Bailey (because she hasn't been here since the party where she caught Derek and I having sex in a car and blocking her into my driveway)...

And also Addison.

Whose absence I feel deep in my bones.

I really fucking miss her.

Even more than our super-dead-mutual-dog-Doc.

Out of everyone who's not here, I miss her the most, and she's never set foot in this house before anyway.

I realize this and it's strange to me because every other surgeon I know from Seattle Grace has been to this house except her.

'I should have her over for dinner,' I think to myself.

Then I shake my head at the thought because she turned me down so I can't invite her over for dinner.

Not that I'd want to host a dinner party anyway.

That would be probably a really bad idea, somehow. I don't know why but it would be…

Instead of dwelling on and on I head into the kitchen downstairs and try to entertain the company.

Before I do though, I go and re-hide Addison's panties in my dress.

I don't know where to put them otherwise. I've washed them already of course. I'm not weird or gross like that.

It's just I have no real place to put my- what- ex-mistress(s)'s forgotten clothing…

I realize that she's my mistress but I was her husband's mistress and also her's?

Sometimes I think I need to stop thinking about labels.

It just gets too confusing.

Labels are stupid.

Once everyone finds out about this, and of course, eventually, they will…

Everyone will stop calling me the 'adulterous whore,' and Addison the 'satanic slut,' and probably end up going with something like 'the co-dirty-lesbian-devilish-mistresses,' or something pornographic like that and it's so not as hot as it sounds because it's not even happening presently, it's all in the past, and I can't stop myself from reliving it over and over…

I go down to the kitchen now, to clear my head from this mess.

On the way, I pass Izzie Stevens, who is still locked in her room now.

At least she's not locked in my bathroom anymore.

That was so much worse because she was in a pink dress and she was crying all over it and she had to be carried everywhere by Alex Karev.

Callie's in my kitchen cooking something that smells good like tacos but it's in a different shape than tacos because she knows serious cooking and it's good because otherwise we'd all starve to death or die of lack of nutrients because all Izzie's been making is muffins and she's the one who usually cooks dinner.

Cristina's with Burke and I thought she was here but she isn't.

I wish I could talk to her about all this because I talked to her the first time I lost my panties and I need to talk to her about the first time Derek found _hers_ in my closet.

But Cristina's in surgery now, and so is Alex, and so I'm in the kitchen with Callie now and I don't know where George is and I have no idea what to say.

"Where's George?" I end up saying, because it's the only thing that seems not-stupid to say.

"George is checking on his dad and his brother's because it wasn't too long ago one of them got shot in the ass," says Callie.

Right. Thanksgiving. More bullets…

"Cool," I say because there's nothing to say.

"I'm sorry about Denny," says Callie.

"Umm, thanks," I say because she's already said that like twelve times but it doesn't make it any less relevant even if it was Izzie who really cared for him (well, I mean, he was her fiance so I kind of get that).

Not that I'm apparently one to preach to about the sanctity of marriage seeing as I just double-decker-homewreckered the Doctor Shepherd's last week.

Oops.

"How's McDreamy?" Callie asks me because she must not have heard me dumping him from downstairs.

"I left him. Or he left me. Either way, we're over, we're so over… Also, he's leaving _Addison_ ," I say and try not to say her name in a weird way that would make Callie notice it.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Meredith," says Callie genuinely.

I realize I haven't given her enough credit and if all the stupid stuff hadn't happened with conflict over George which was mostly my fault not hers we would have been closer friends sooner.

"It's okay, I was kinda over him, anyway," I say with a sigh because it's the truth.

"Oh?" Asks Callie.

"Never mind," I say to her.

"Do you want to eat some of this chilaquiles with me?" Asks Callie, offering me a taste.

"Definitely. Also, I'm really sorry for not being able to be less shit to George, and we can totally be friends if you want, Callie," I offer.

"Thanks, Grey," says Callie.

"No problem," I smile.

"Why are you so over Derek? Weren't you obsessed with him for like, forever?" Asks Callie.

"That was before he ended up having a secret wife," I deadpan.

"Right," says Callie.

I don't explain it didn't work out when I tried to take Derek back- once Addison rejected me after the prom and the sex and all- because I ended up still falling for my boyfriend's wife anyway.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

****** **END OF CHAPTER 9**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Someone mentioned in a review that Callie and Meredith could have made great friends if it hadn't been for George and Meredith's… Terrible incident… And I agree. I think it was lightningmaystrike in the author's notes of chapter V of their fanfiction "Can I go where you go?"

Anyway, I elaborated on that concept here with a bit of that sentiment copied directly.

Thanks for all the lovely comments flying in!

I do plan to respond to all of them!

Just trying to get as much writing down as possible!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	10. Before (5)

_Author's Note:_

To readers who comment with emojis: I adore them. And also anyone who comments always!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 10: Before (5)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

It takes us only 15 minutes to arrive at Cristina Yang's apartment.

"Don't tell anybody about this place, it's not supposed to exist anymore," says Meredith.

"That doesn't make sense?" I say to Meredith.

"Oh. Right. So Cristina promised Burke she'd moved in with him but she kept her old apartment in case they broke up badly. No matter what she says to him she still has this place as her own even though she usually sleeps in bed with him at his place," says Meredith.

"Oh," I finally got it.

"Yeah, so I live here sometimes when I'm hiding," says Meredith.

"Who would you be hiding from?" Asks Addison.

"My mother, Ellis Grey. My father, Thatcher Grey. My new step-mother Susan Grey. My not-father-somehow-Richard Webber. My boss Miranda Bailey. My boss's boss, Preston Burke. All my other intern friends when they're being annoying. All of my friend's friends or girlfriends or boyfriends or partners or whatever's. Everyone, really, except Doc. I miss Doc. I never hid from Doc… But mostly I hid here from your husband/my boyfriend, Derek," says Meredith.

"Did you ever try to hide from _me_ ," I ask her before I can stop myself.

"No. You've never been to my house before. You're like, the only person who never has," says Meredith.

"Oh. Would you have? If I had been to your house?" I end up asking.

"I'm surprised this is your question and you don't have more questions about the fact that Derek's your husband and my boyfriend at the same time… Again… Sorry…!" Says Meredith.

"It's just, that's just, it's old news now," I say because it feels like it is.

"Right," Meredith sighs. "I'm still very sorry," Meredith says to me.

"He was looking at you. He was giving you his McEyes and I guess he plays a good game when he wants somebody because he's never given me eyes like that in my life but he had them for you and I guess it made you want him then?" I try to rationalize it to-for-about(?)- her.

"Yeah. And I would normally call them puppy-dog-eyes but our puppy-dog-Doc died today and I miss him more than anything and God, was it sad when he went I mean you didn't see him die, but gosh, it was such a sin," says Meredith and you see her tremble and you start trembling and you both end up crying together.

"I- I couldn't bear to watch it, Meredith. I said I had to go and I pretended to have a patient or something but I could have rescheduled. I just couldn't stay. I wasn't strong enough," I finally reveal to her.

"Well, I guess if you weren't ready to be there or didn't want to that's okay, I think Doc appreciated you being there for when you were," says Meredith about our McDog.

"I guess that's why McVet was being so nice to me tonight," I realized aloud.

"Maybe, but Finn's just a nice guy anyway. He's like, too nice. So damn nice!" Says Meredith.

"I know. He's such a good guy. I wish Derek was that good a guy," I sigh.

"I know. I wish Derek was that nice or I could want Finn but neither of those things are true, sadly," says Meredith.

"You don't want Finn?" I ask, because sure, she's been dating the vet while ogling my husband but I'm still trying to play nice here.

"No. I tried to. So hard," offers Meredith.

"Thanks, for trying, with Finn," I offer.

Meredith laughs and says it's funny I'm thanking her for trying to have sex with someone other than her husband.

And then, she guesses it's "par for the course that you'd want me with anyone who's not Derek," says Meredith.

"That's not what I meant," I say to her.

"Then what did you mean?" Says Meredith.

"I meant I'm glad you tried with someone who's less of a dick than Derek because you don't deserve his McBullshit," I sigh.

"You really don't either, y'know," Meredith offers.

"This is a really strange conversation," I blurt out.

"Our dog died today. I fucked your husband _again_ , today. And we went to a stupid hospital prom where I think Denny might have been getting really sick at the end there, and Burke just got shot and everyone is leaving and everyone is dying and I think we're allowed to be strange tonight," says Meredith.

"Okay. We can be strange today. We can," I say.

"Do you want a drink?" Meredith offers.

"Oh, I shouldn't drink," I say because I don't trust myself drunk around a really hot girl I like.

"It doesn't have to be alcohol. I'm just having a diet soda. You want one?" Asks Meredith.

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks," I say, realizing I keep jumping to conclusions all of a sudden.

"Okay, be right back," says Meredith, and I watch her move in that dress to get two glasses, some ice, and some soda, and I decide that I'm definitely going to hell.

It should be illegal the way her body looks in jet-black.

Her hair is luscious and falling to frame her face.

And her chest is accentuated by that necklace.

Meredith hands me my glass and I gulp it all down trying to cool off from these stupid lesbian fantasies.

"Guess you're thirsty, after all, huh," says Meredith teasingly.

I choke on my damn soda.

"Ooh, are you alright?" Meredith reacts right away and gets me a napkin.

"Yeah, just ah, thirsty…" I say this and then I blush profusely at my stupid foot-in-mouth words.

"Oh, I get it. I've spit out soda before, too. It helps if you drink it slower," Meredith offers, and just in a caring way and not a patronizing way, either.

"Yeah, I should probably slow down, I might need to drive later," I say.

"You know that's just soda, not spiked, right?" Says Meredith.

"I probably shouldn't drive if I think I'm already drunk," I blurt out.

"Are you already drunk? Or high?" Asks Meredith.

"No. Our dog just died and my husband cheated on me, in that order, I must add. I should be drunk or high right now but I'm not. I'm just really sad," I finally articulate.

"I'm sorry. For Doc and for Derek and for you being sad," Meredith sighs and leans her hand over to cover mine.

The warmth of her touch washes over me and I realize I've never really been touched by her, ever. I guess I never knew what I was missing…

The softness of her hands. Her skin on my skin. I'm getting hot again and I'm sure I'm blushing now.

I can feel my whole body run warm in my blood and I can feel my own pulse racing and I can feel my eyes darkening.

I don't have very much self-control as it is and here I am reacting to every move Meredith makes with her hand wrapped around mine.

Meredith may be a homewrecker but I'm still a slut and God, do I show it when I'm all hot-and-bothered.

Maybe she won't notice.

I don't think she's that stupid, though.

Maybe it won't matter because she doesn't do women.

Or she doesn't know to think about whether or not I would do women.

Or, that I did women also, y'know, before married Derek and cheated on him with Mark and all that.

And that I would still do women. Or a woman. _Or that I'd especially like_ _this woman_ _to do me right now._

"Are you okay?" Meredith asks me because I'm clearly flustered.

"I'm just sad about Doc dying. Our dead McDog. It's sad," I try to say as a cover-up.

"Okay, I get that. I hope that's not why you look horny though because I try not to judge what people are into but I'm not sure if I could not-judge you if you were into like literally-" Meredith rambles before I cut her off.

"Oh, no, I am not sexually attracted to dogs. I'm sexually attracted to people, only, adult people. Which just happens to happen occasionally while I simultaneously am sad about our dead dog," I set that record- well. _You know what I mean._

"Oh, good. I'm so relieved. You're really adorable when you're all sexy and McHot and clearly have your mind in the gutter. I'm just so glad you're thinking about people, not puppies, in the sexual way I mean, of course, yeah," says Meredith.

I realize at this point that Meredith is probably hitting on me and I'm far from strong enough to resist her tonight.

"I'm going to hell," I say to Meredith with a sheepish look and a heaving sigh.

"Join the club," says Meredith back to me with a smirk at me and a wink.

Meredith offers me a 'cheers,' with my glass and I clink mine with hers as I keep my hand under her's.

_Somehow, all I can think about is how there's probably hotter sex in hell anyway. Especially if Meredith and I are both headed there. I just hope we don't have to be as dead as our dog to finally 'do it,' together. Oh wow. And now I'm definitely going to hell..._

* * *

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 10**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

This is bordering on the absurd.

So help me.

LOL!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	11. After (6)

_Author's Note:_

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 11: After (6)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

I try to participate in the conversation with Callie over chilaquiles but it's pretty hard for me to keep focused on her and not my fantasies about Addison.

"Grey?" Callie coaxes me.

"Huh?" I shrug apologetically at her.

"You've been all weird and distant lately," Callie says in a concerned tone.

"Oh," I say, because I didn't realize she'd noticed me zoning in and out since the prom.

"You've seriously been spinning out since your dog died. I'm really sorry I couldn't come up with a better solution for his osteosarcoma," Callie offers.

Oh. She thinks it's only about Doc. That's okay I guess…

"Yeah, I really miss her," I sigh.

"Wasn't Doc a male dog?" Callie looks at me with narrowed eyes.

"Oh, right. I really miss him. Doc. I mean. McDog…" I trail off and try to cover my tracks.

Damnit. I was thinking about Addison all over again. Ouch.

"Did you have another female dog you were thinking about?" Callie asks me.

"Umm," I shrug because I can't remember if I'd had a girl-dog when I was younger or if any of my relatives did, and all I can think of is how people called Dr. Montgomery(-Shepherd?) a 'bitch,' and that's a female dog and now all I can think about is Addison.

"Do you want to get another dog?" Callie asks me.

"No. It wouldn't be the same," I say simply. I don't explain it wouldn't be the same without it being shared between Derek and Addison and I. Mostly Addison and I. I mean…

"Why do you seem all different after prom?" Callie asks me.

"WHAT?!" I freak out a bit.

"You can talk to me, you know. I did catch you and pretend your panties were mine when Addison tacked them to the bulletin board, remember?" Callie looks at me narrowly again.

My breath catches when she says Addison's name and Callie must sense this or something.

"Oh," I say because I don't know what else to say.

"Is Addison bothering you?" Callie asks in a concerned tone.

"Oh, no she's not bothering me, I'm just," I flail because I don't want Callie to think she's done anything wrong because she hasn't, she had every right to turn me down. I'm just taking it really hard. Especially after we had a really great night of sex together after prom…

"You know you seem to stiffen whenever her name comes up. And you haven't been on her service all week. And Addison stiffens when I mention her to you, also," says Callie.

"Has she spoken about me?" I squeak because I can't help myself.

"I shouldn't say, I promised Addison I wouldn't, I don't think it would be right," says Callie.

So she _has_ spoken about me to Callie…

"Right," I say, because I wouldn't want her to tell Addison what I'm saying about her, either.

"I just feel really bad after what I did at the prom," I say honestly, even though Callie doesn't know the whole story. And she probably never will.

"Umm, yeah I mean I covered for you, but doing it with McDreamy in the exam room it kinda hurt her," says Callie gently.

"Don't bother calling him McDreamy,"I snort because you don't want to contemplate the rest because the thought of your actions negatively impacting Addison still just hurts too damn much.

"Ok. Well, still-" Callie starts before I cut her off.

"I don't want to talk about Derek," I say because I really don't wanna.

"Okay," says Callie.

"Okay," I say back.

"Do you want to talk about Addison?" Callie asks me.

I do, but I don't want to admit I do. I really do though…

"Yes," I say before I can stop myself.

I can feel myself heating up almost as much as I did leading up to us making love after the prom in anticipation of simply talking about her.

"Okay," says Callie.

"Addison is just, she's just a person who deserves someone who won't hurt her. Derek clearly wasn't that person. Finn Dandridge could probably be that person but she doesn't want Finn and Finn doesn't want her and I don't want Finn either and he's revamped his plans to not include me anyway," I ramble on.

"Addison deserves a lot of things," Callie empathizes passively as a friend but I still flare with jealousy.

"Hey, why, are you going to hit on Addison!?" I shriek.

"Umm, no. I'm with George. And we're finally pretty good friends again. And why do you think I'm into women?" Callie asks me all at once.

"Right. George. God, I'm so glad he's moved on from loving me because I could never love him back. And I don't know, I can just tell that's all. It's not a big deal either way. I'm not hitting on you by the way, to be completely clear. Not that you're not dirty-hot and all. It's just that… You're not my type… Sorry…" I taper off awkwardly.

"Wait, you have a type in women!? You like women also?! Since when, Grey!?" Says Callie.

"Oh. Probably always. I guess," I admit openly.

Callie dropped chilaquiles on the floor.

I helped her pick them up.

"Wait, does this have something to do with Addison?" Callie asks me.

I try not to blush too hard at Callie's question.

* * *

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 11**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Any guesses as to why Addison rejected Meredith after sleeping with her after the prom even though she really likes her?

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	12. Before (6)

_Author's Note:_

To readers who comment with emojis: I adore them. And also anyone who comments always!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 12: Before (6)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

It would have been different had we been drinking alcohol. But we weren't. So I had no excuse to tell Meredith she was too drunk or I was too drunk to be doing what we were about to start doing.

There was no point in saying I was married. It didn't stop her with my husband. It didn't stop my husband with her. It didn't stop them. Why should it stop us?

"Meredith," I say lustfully.

I know I'm being forward now, but she's looking at me like _that_ and I need to know _now_ if she's really _into me._

"Yes, Addison?" Meredith quirks.

"Would you like me to kiss you?" I ask boldly.

"Yes, I would," Meredith replies confidently.

"Wait, what, really!? I exclaim, waving my arms in the air.

"Hey! Were you just messing around!? I was being serious, it's not fair!?" Says Meredith.

"Oh, no I wasn't joking. I was serious. I'm serious. May I kiss you, Meredith?" I ask her.

"Yes, please," says Meredith with a devilish grin.

"Are you sure? Because I am married…" I say sheepishly.

"So is Derek," Meredith shrugs.

"But you're sort of seeing Derek now probably?" I ask again.

"So are you," Meredith shrugs.

"But I was sleeping with Mark?" I say, to warn her that I'm pretty much a terrible person.

"Well, I guess I probably can't say 'so was Derek,' to that. But look, we don't have to play 20 questions about this. I'm well aware of who you are and what you've done and what he's done and what I've done. This is about what we want to do next," Meredith smiles at me.

"Yeah, it would be really interesting if Derek and Mark had actually been sleeping together wouldn't it be?" I chuckle.

"Probably," says Meredith.

"Would that turn you on?" I blurt out to Meredith.

"Enough?" Meredith shrugs. "And you?" Meredith asks me.

"Enough? I don't know. Not nearly as much as you do," I switch back to hitting on Meredith again.

"Well, I do enjoy the art of seduction," Meredith says smoothly.

"Would I be chasing you here? Or are you chasing me?" I squeak out.

"Does it matter if we're already inches away from each other?" Meredith asks as she leans in boldly.

"I suppose it probably does not," I say, grinning in acquiescence at Meredith leaning into me.

"Kiss me. Only if you want to. Of course, I mean I'm still your boss and your teacher and I know that's all complicated and shit and I don't want that to be weird but-" I start to ramble.

"Derek's my teacher too. He's my boss's boss, as are you. It's okay. I get off on it, actually. I have this whole hot-for-teacher thing going on, sort-of like Cristina with Burke," Meredith chuckles.

"I promise I'll never make you lie for me professionally or take credit for any of your future research," I say to her.

"Umm, thanks. I'm not sure why this is your dirty-talk here but I must say that anything that makes your lips and your tongue move is super sexy," says Meredith.

"I just want you to know I'm not going to treat you worse or better just because we're-" I cut myself off but Meredith seems to understand me.

"Good. You're an excellent teacher. I wouldn't want to miss out on anything you have to offer me, both professionally and also…" Meredith says this as she leans in closer to me so her hot breath is warm on the skin beneath my ear.

"Also, I don't want to miss out on taking you out of that prom dress piece by beautiful piece," Meredith says, voice dropping an octave as she nips at my skin with her teeth before pulling away back into her own personal space.

My breath catches again when she slides her hand over my thigh. We're both still in dresses; hers is black and mine is blood red. It's fitting. I'm a sinner. But so is she. And it makes it all the more seductive and tantalizing.

"Do you enjoy the way my hand caresses your legs? Your legs go on for miles. Eons, really. It's impossible how long your legs are…" Meredith husks as she drags her fingertips up and down them.

"Yes," I say. Because I do. And so does she.

"Do you enjoy the way it makes you feel when I run my hand just a little bit higher and a little bit tighter to the inside of your thigh?" Meredith asks me as she presses the palm of her hand to the inside of my leg and I gasp at how turned on I already am.

"Yes," I breathe out. It comes out as a whisper.

"Do you enjoy the way it makes you feel when I stroke the inside of your thigh and keep moving it upwards?" Meredith asks me as she reaches the apex of where my legs meet but she stays just to the side of my center.

"Yes," I say. It comes out as a moan.

"Where would you like me to touch you next, Doctor Montgomery?" Meredith asks with a smirk.

She looks me in the eyes and she knows exactly what she is talking about.

Meredith has dropped the 'Shepherd,' part of my name, calling me by the maiden name I haven't used for myself in years.

It's an offering, and it's also a promise; she's said to me in that sentence that she's not seducing me for my husband or for her boyfriend.

Meredith is seducing me and me alone now.

And it feels fantastic.

"Touch me everywhere. Anywhere. Please," I start begging her.

I'm not usually like this.

I'm not one to beg, much less to beg before I'm even undressed at all.

But Meredith's sweet eyes are boring into my skull, and Meredith's tender fingers are caressing up my sides. And Meredith's lips are just inches away from my own.

"You smell like apricots," Meredith says next and my eyebrows twist in confusion at the sudden topic-change.

"What?!" I say in exclamation, voice squeaky and cracking.

"I'm just saying. It's nice. I really like apricots," Meredith chuckles, recovering much more quickly than I am.

"Oh," I say. "Umm," I mutter. "You smell like lavender," I say because she really does.

"Thanks," Meredith says with her everlasting smirk.

"Do I get to find out what your lips taste like?" I ask her, finally gaining the courage.

"Absolutely," says Meredith. "I bet yours will taste delicious," Meredith says with a sigh.

"I think I want to find out," I say, licking my own lips in anticipation.

"As do I," Meredith says, biting her bottom lip seductively.

Meredith is staring me down to see if I'll crack first and I do.

I lean in, she leans in. I tell her to start kissing me when she wants to.

And then she does.

And I forget everything except her.

_And it's the most wonderful feeling to be entirely consumed by the one Meredith Grey._

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 12**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for waiting for this!

Let me know if you want any more!

This could end here… Or I could go on… Let me know your favorite parts along the way!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	13. After (7)

_Author's Note:_

Yeah, so they kissed in the last chapter. Glad you liked that. Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 13: After (7)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

"Does this have something to do with Addison?" Callie asks me again and I still don't really answer.

I'm flustered though. Really flustered. Actually I'm a total mess.

"It's okay if it is. I won't be mad. I won't judge you," says Callie reassuringly.

"How could you not?" I ask her.

"Why would I?" Says Callie.

I groan before I give her an explanation.

"Addison is my ex-boyfriend's _wife_ for chrissakes. And I had adulterous sex with her right after adulterously screwing her husband. Again. After knowing full well that they're married together. I wrecked her damn life!" I yelp at Callie.

"And?" Asks Callie.

"And I'm a homewrecker! Twice over! In one night!" I exclaim.

"To be fair, that marriage has probably been toast for a while," says Callie wisely.

"Yeah, I guess," I say, because it's true. Addison told me the night of the prom that the good part of their relationship had been long over between her and Derek even before she had cheated on him with Mark. Things hadn't been working out. And they just didn't ever get a divorce," I say, sighing because they still haven't officially gotten a divorce (yet?).

"How did you know, erm, Addison, you, her?" Callie is not sure how or what to ask me about her friend.

"You'll keep this between us right?" I confirm with Callie.

"Of course," Callie offers. I nod and accept her offer because I do need to get this off my chest.

And normally I'd confide in Cristina but she's got trauma with Burke to deal with now and she doesn't know I'm not straight and I don't want to deal with her reaction right now even though I know she'll be supportive of that part anyway.

"Well, see. It's absurd because when I met Derek as the guy in the bar, I thought he was the love of my life. And then his wife walked in and I was so awestruck and intrigued. Addison had on a black coat and her hair was up and she looked like a Japanese model," I begin.

"Didn't she introduce herself as 'Addison Shepherd and you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband, that day?" Asks Callie, who must have heard that story from Addison.

"She did. But I was. So I don't really blame her," I offer.

"I guess you were, albeit by accident at that point," says Callie.

"I remember how Addison looked at me then. She was fierce and enchanting. But she was also vulnerable. Addison had looked at me with sorrow, because she knew her arrival had ended my relationship with Derek as I'd known it to be. Addison looked at me like she saw me, even despite who I was to her and to him. Addison still looked at me," I explain.

"Addison looked at you?" Asks Callie.

"Addison looked me in the eye. Derek couldn't look her in the eye. Or me. Neither of us. After that night it was a whirlwind of me trying to win Derek back and her trying to win Derek back and both of us fighting for a man who was already distant. Addison loved him. I loved him. Who knows who he loved but I'm not sure it was either of us," I say to Callie.

I know now that Derek probably actually loved Mark Sloan his male childhood best friend all along, but I'm not going to reveal any part of that to Callie because I promised Derek I wouldn't.

"I left that night and I started to drink. Well, we all started to drink but then Joe the bartender started dying and so I had to get drunk another day and it's been ages since then and a week since the prom and all I can think about is how Derek and Addison and I used to share a dog named Doc and now our McDog is dead and Addison and Derek's marriage is dead and Derek and my relationship is dead and Addison and my relationship was vetoed to begin with," I finally shriek.

"Wait, Addison turned you down? But when did you ask her out?" Callie asks me, and I back up because I realize she doesn't know what happened to either of us after we'd left the prom.

"Uh-" I stutter because I'm incredibly embarrassed here.

"You don't have to tell me. It might be awkward. I'm sorry if I upset you I shouldn't have asked," Callie softens a little.

"Have you ever liked women?" I ask her to change the topic.

"Um-" and now it's Callie's turn to stutter a little.

"Oh. This is the part where I tell you that you don't have to answer that unless you want to," I offer and Callie nods graciously.

"Look it just hurts. Deep in my bones. In my brain. In my body. In my mind. In my soul. I thought Derek was the love of my life until I kissed Addison. And then I knew that she wasn't and that she was and she told me the same thing. And then she let me go," I say and then I start crying all over again.

I remember the way Addison was crying after the prom and now I'm crying like that and Callie offers me tea and a tissue.

"You love her?" Callie asks me.

"Yeah," I admit finally.

"And she loves you back?" Callie asks me.

"I'm not Addison, I can't answer that," I say with a sigh.

"But did she say she loved you back?" Callie asks me.

I don't want to give her the answer so I just start crying all over again.

"It's okay," Callie sighs and she offers me cookies.

I eat them because I'm glad that it isn't more muffins.

"That's all I said to Addison that whole night. That it's okay. That it was all going to be okay. And I thought it would be. And now I feel like it isn't. And I just want her back even just as a friend," I keep crying and crying.

"How do you know she's the love of your life?" Callie asks me thoughtfully.

"You might laugh when I say this. Because it's a cliche and all. But I swear that it's true," I describe and Callie nods to show that she's listening.

"When I kissed her, when she kissed me back, there was a spark there that I'd never ever felt before. And she felt it, too. She told me and I told her. And it was our spark for just us. Neither of us felt that way with Derek. Both of us thought before that Derek was going to be the love of our lives at some point. And we were both wrong. Because we kissed each other after we'd been kissing him. _And it just felt so perfectly right_."

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 13**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for all the feedback! I will be continuing this for a little while.

Probably everyone wants to know what happened at Meredith's hideout.

So do I, so hopefully, I'll figure that out when it comes to me!

THANK YOU FOR READING!

And see you all in the comments :D.

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	14. Before (7)

_Author's Note:_

The rating for this one is higher than the last ones.

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 14: Before (7)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

Meredith Grey's lips are upon mine and her hands are weaved through my hair.

My hands rise up to hold her slender waist and she moves her mouth on mine.

It's experimental and teasing but she knows exactly what she is doing.

I realize I never asked her if she even likes women but that doesn't seem to be a problem at all, here.

Meredith's technique is impeccable and she sucks on my bottom lip ever so gently. My eyes close and open again as her fingers caress my scalp soothingly.

"Your lips taste amazing," Meredith says to me between kisses. I try to tell her the same but it comes out as a loud moan as she sucks my lips harder.

"Your kisses feel good," Meredith says as she pulls away and I whine and whimper until she kisses me again, but this time harder.

I open my mouth completely to allow her tongue to swipe past my lips, everything parting and inviting for her because I want her to devour me whole.

"You make me hot," Meredith whispers to me as she explores my mouth with her own. She twists and turns her tongue around mine and I'm holding on so I don't fall off the chair.

I grip onto her harder and she starts kissing me more and I lose myself to the sensations of sights and sounds and an ever-present warmth on my tender lips.

Meredith is moving closer to me and I'm pulling her closer and easing her onto my lap. She straddles me and her feet don't touch the floor but mine do and I brace myself against the chair back again.

When her body presses into mine I gasp again.

Meredith chuckles and I open my eyes to ask her why she is chuckling at me. Is she making fun of me? I wonder why…

"It's just," Meredith laughs again but I realize she's not laughing at me in a bad way because she reaches up to squeeze my cheeks and tells me that I'm apparently adorable.

"You react with these sweet little moans and sounds when I touch you and it's so endearing," says Meredith.

I giggle.

It's like I'm 21 again and just having a first date or something like that because I'm giggling out of my mind and Meredith is giggling and I can't look away.

Meredith looks into my eyes and I look into hers and I tell her how much I like kissing her.

"You know those sprinklers they put on cakes?" I begin.

"No?" Says Meredith, looking at me like I have ten heads all of a sudden.

"Well, you know, the ones that can come in shapes and you light one end of them and they fizzle and light up and burn and it's sort of like a magic wand when you wave them around?" I elaborate.

"Oh, _sparklers_ , you mean!" Exclaims Meredith.

"Yeah, that's what I meant. So you know sparklers?" I say.

"Yeah?" Asks Meredith, still on my lap and brushing my hair from my face and looking at me as if she's not sure where I am going with this…

"Well, kissing you is like a sparkler. It's bright and light and like it's on top of a cake," I explain.

I realize I'm gushing here. Wow. Really gushing. So much for subtle. Oh well. Nope. Not subtle at all.

"Oh!" Says Meredith once she realizes what I'm talking about.

"Yeah, it's because… I think you sparkle, Meredith," I grin looking up at her.

It should probably be wrong to say this, seeing as she slept with my husband an hour ago but we've had an unspoken agreement not to talk about that part somehow and she's just kissed me in a way that's making my world spin in other directions.

Actually, I'm not sure that's possible, nor a proper metaphor.

(Maybe I'm spinning off of my axis?).

"I sparkle? Meredith giggles this time.

"Yeah," I say. "You sparkle. Your eyes crinkle and sparkle and you light up… A lot of things…" I finally say.

"Well, I am wearing rhinestones," Meredith giggles.

"Oh, I mean yeah, your dress sparkles also. Mine does, too, I think. I'm not sure these are rhinestones because I'm not sure this designer uses them but what I meant is that you sparkle because YOU sparkle not just your outfit, which is also fabulous," and now I realize I'm rambling.

"I've never kissed someone before that made me feel like the top of a cake," I say rather incoherently.

"Is this related to the sparkler thing?" Meredith asks me.

"Yeah," I say back.

"So am I the sparkler or the cake in this analogy?" Meredith asks me.

"Both?" I shrug because I can't seem to figure it out. But this time it's Meredith who starts to talk.

"When I kiss you, Addison, I feel like the crackle of the fireplace in houses that are fancy enough to have those. It's kindling. It's kinship. I'm not really sure," she explains sweetly and I swoon.

"Wait, am I the wood here? Or the fireplace? Or the fire?" I try to figure out all of these metaphors.

"You're… I'm not sure. Look, kissing you is really great and I've never felt like it's the crackle of a campfire inside me when I kissed someone before. It's a good thing. It makes me want to kiss you all over again," Meredith finally says.

"Will you? Please?" I beg of her.

"I will," Meredith says softly as she leans in again.

This time I breathe in heavily as she kisses my lips and moves off of my mouth to kiss my jaw and caress down to my trachea to place gentle kisses before moving southward.

Every place her lips contact my flesh I can feel a hum of desire forming deeper and deeper.

"Addison, do you want me to avoid leaving marks? Or can I? Or how careful do you want me to be?" Meredith asks me.

My eyes fly open again and I grumble she's stopped kissing me and then I realize what she's asking about here. Meredith is asking me if she can leave me hickeys and it takes everything rational in me to sigh and tell her it's probably not a good idea.

"Okay, I'll be gentle. I'll be very gentle," Meredith says as she nods towards my neck.

I nod back at her as I sigh frustratedly. I love having my neck caressed deeply and I'm suddenly annoyed I can't let her have her way with me completely. _Maybe someday? Maybe?_

Meredith leans back in and kisses my neck all over tender and soft. She opens her lips and teases with her tongue but she never sucks hard or grazes her teeth or bites anywhere.

I whine because I want more of her but she maintains her control impressively and instead of kissing me too roughly she starts allowing her hands to wander down all of my body again.

Meredith's hands run down my back and my sides and on my stomach and through my hair all again. I feel her touch all at once and it sends me into a frenzy.

It's been ages since I've had sex and a very, very, very long time since I've had good sex. And I haven't felt this turned on in my life and I can feel my body preparing for the deepest intimate contact.

It's ironic that her touch is so hot that I shiver. I start to quiver and shake and she's just teasing me now and I know it. Meredith is suckling on my earlobe and never biting it and I'm throwing my head back and gripping onto her hips for dear life.

"I'm someone you could get to know and love," Meredith says to me and I try to reply but I can't even speak because I'm speechless.

"That's what Derek said to me when he met me," Meredith explains and my heart drops ten feet because I thought she was talking about _me_ , here.

"He was wrong though. Or at least, partially. I got to know him and I grew to know and love him. But then he hid you and I could never really trust him right. And you never lied to me. You told me the truth that first day. And when I met you I thought you could be someone I could get to know and love. You never said it. You never had to. It just happened for me that way," Meredith finally explains this to me and I realize she _was_ talking about me all along.

"He still loves you. Derek does. I can tell," I say because I want her to know all her options here no matter how much it pains me.

"I know. But I don't love him. But I'm starting to like you more and more, Addison," Meredith says to me.

"I'm starting to like you more and more also," I nod at her because it's the truth no matter how much I could try to deny it.

"Addison, I-" Meredith begins saying a lot of things but I can't bear to hear all of these bittersweet nothings anymore so I seal my lips to hers again and she presses into my touch.

"Meredith, please. If you want to, I want you to have your way with me. Take your time. Give me sex if you want. I need you. You drive me wild and I'm all hot and ready for you. Even if this ends up being only tonight it's all I've been thinking about, you getting us out of these clothes and seeing me for who I am. I'm not near perfect but I want you to know me. And I want to know you, in return," I explain.

"I want to show you how you can feel good and I want to show you how much you matter and I want to show you how I feel about you," Meredith whispers into my ear as she keeps holding onto my body.

"Meredith, this sounds lovely and all, I'm at the brink here and I need you to make good on those promises. I need you to fuck me. Now. Seriously. Unless you don't want to and that's okay but just-"

Meredith cuts me off with a kiss and she hops off of me and ushers me to get up so we can move to somewhere else.

"This is my room by the way. I have a room at Cristina's secret hideout. This is my bed so you don't need to have a hematoma about whose space this actually is," Meredith says as she guides me to her bed at Yang's apartment-but-not-only-apartment.

"Are you coming!?" I ask her as I lie down on the bed and she watches me from the doorframe.

"I am, and you'll be 'coming,' now soon enough if you want," Meredith chuckles and I chuckle and I see her chest rise and fall in laughter before she keeps going, her voice as smooth and soothing as silk.

"Addison, I'm only waiting here for a second because I just wanted to watch you lie down and wait for me. I could watch you forever the way you look up at me. I just want to capture the moment when I need you more than anything. And I just hope it lasts longer than we can even imagine…"

* * *

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 14**

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_Author's Note:_

This one goes out to the people who pleaded for another chapter as I finished writing another chapter. Do you enjoy this semi-romantic sexiness/fluff? It's nice alongside all of this angst…

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_ Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story: _

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	15. After (8)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress.

_Author's Note:_

Hello readers! Thanks for the positive feedback on the last chapter. I will also probably back-update the previous "after," chapters to make it more clear on the timeline. The story started with Meredith in Derek's trailer and then they were in Meredith's house still arguing before Mer kicked Der out. There was a missed scene about that transition and I will write that in soon! Thanks for your patience and thanks for your honest feedback.

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 15: After (8)**

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**MEREDITH**

"So you love her, your kisses with her have a spark in them, and you just left your boyfriend who happens to be her husband, and yet, you're still not with Addison?" Callie questions.

"She said no to me!" I yelp at Callie.

"You said she felt the spark, too, though, right?" Says Callie.

"She did! She said these beautiful things and metaphors about how she felt when she kissed me and then she said no to dating me and I'm heartbroken!" I finally grunt.

"Did she say why?" Callie asks me.

"She did, but that's between just Addison and me," I respond.

"Fair enough," offers Callie.

"I just hate that she's lonely. She said I could date Derek while her divorce ws being finalized because she's drawn up the papers and Derek said that he'd sign them so she said there's no point in me waiting if I wanted him. Addison practically asked me to date Derek or try to because she didn't want me to be lonely. But all I can think about is how SHE is lonely and how I'm thinking about her when I'm with him and I shouldn't be. So I'm almost relieved that he'd found her panties in my dress because now it's over with Derek and I and I can just find myself again," I cry out.

"So wait, this is Addison who once called you out for screwing her husband, and then you screwed her husband again, and then you screwed her, and then she turned you down and offered for her to screw her husband all over again but with her blessing this time?" Callie tries to figure it all out.

"Yes. All of that is correct. All the chronological order," I say to her.

"That's really-" I can tell Callie's trying not to say 'fucked up,' but her face says it for her.

"What about Finn?" Callie asks me.

"I didn't want to drag kind and gentle Finn into this. I talked to him after prom and I told him I was no good for him. I think he's still not over his wife that died though anyway," I say.

"Did Addison tell you 'never?' or just no for now?" Callie asks me tenderly.

"She said 'no for now,' you're right," I tell Callie.

"Did she say when she would be ready?" Asks Callie.

"Not really," I sigh, because she didn't.

"Do you think she would be now?" Callie asks me.

"I have no idea," I say.

"Do you think she would be open to being your friend, now that you've left her husband?" Callie asks me in utter precision.

"Maybe. Or at least I hope so. We agreed not to work together this past week because it would be too complicated. But I just miss being around her. Even before we had sex, Addison would talk to me sometimes and we'd work together and it was nice. Now we don't see each other and I feel like I'm aching all the time. I just want to see her!" I shout.

"Have you considered she might be missing you, too?" Callie asks me.

"I try not to hope too hard," I say honestly.

"Do you want to call her?" Callie offers.

"Wait, now? Would you be with me? Or not?" I ask her.

"Whatever would make you feel more comfortable," says Callie.

"Okay. I guess, I mean you can stay if you want to," I say nervously.

Callie has Addison's number because she and Addison are regular friends which I am very grateful for.

I don't want her to be always in the middle of us two, but right now I need someone to talk to and Callie is here and she's really nice.

And now the thought of calling Addison is in my head and I can't get it out of my head.

"Okay, can we call her?" I ask Callie.

"Sure," she says, and Callie calls up Addison's number and passes me her phone.

Addison picks up on the very first ring.

"Hey Addison," I say a bit formally.

"Meredith!" Addison exclaims and I realize her caller ID probably said 'Callie,'.

"Yeah, I'm with Callie, this is her phone," I offer.

"Ah, I see. What's uh, what's up?" Addison asks awkwardly, and I realize that Addison has no idea how much I've shared of what happened with Callie.

"I left Derek," I say.

"Oh," says Addison, and I swear I'm trying not to hold onto hope that her breath caught too and she seemed happy about it.

"Thanks for letting me try to date him. It just didn't work out," I tell her.

"You're welcome. It was the least I could do," says Addison.

"What the hell do you mean!? How could you be the one to owe me when you're the one who's always lost out here!?" I tell her.

"Do you want me to go?" Asks Callie, and at that point, I remember she's there.

"Could you? I think we might need a minute," I say and Callie nods in understanding.

"Meredith, you gave me so much that night. You told and gave me everything that I needed from you. I felt I had taken advantage of you so I pulled away," says Addison.

"Why would you be the one taking advantage?" I ask her, rather shocked.

"You're still an intern and I'm an attending and I'm your teacher and you're my student and I was still very much married and I made you into an adulterous whore!" Says Addison.

"I was doing all of those things with Derek before you," I point out to her.

"That doesn't make it right," says Addison to me.

"Why are you like this? You're the one who always steps aside for people and you never get the good part," I tell her, and then I realize I'm implying that I'm the 'good part,' and I try to take it back but she answers over me.

"I didn't step aside. That's the fucking problem. I should have stepped aside and been a better person long ago when I met you. Derek loved you. He didn't love me anymore. I cheated on him with Mark. I should have left him so he could have you fully!" Addison screeches.

"Well you did this time, but it didn't work out between Derek and I anyway, so that's alright. You tried Addison, you tried to be the martyr, and I humored you, and Derek and I tried and it didn't work out!" I tell her.

"Why though? What happened? He was so in love with you!" Says Addison.

"Derek knows about us. That's what happened. It didn't work out because of how Derek found out," I finally offer.

"But how did Derek ever find out? Did you tell him because I didn't tell him!?" Says Addison.

"Addison, I don't want you to blame yourself for this because it was on me. Derek found your panties in my prom dress pocket and he knew them as your's. He just found them and I didn't lie to him. I just told him the truth and I left him and he left me and he's leaving you and I guess you're leaving him and we're just three of us drifting further away," I offer her.

"Derek found my underwear in your-" Addison cuts herself off.

"He did," I confirm.

"Derek knows," says Addison.

"He does," I say back.

_I'll never forget the words that Addison Montgomery spoke to me next._

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 15**

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_Author's Note:_

Has anyone ever told you that bobbiejelly likes cliffhangers?

Maybe I did once upon a time?

MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH.

Any guesses as to what Addison said to Meredith?

Let me know in the comments!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_ Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story: _

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	16. Before (8)

_Author's Note:_

*Evil Grin*

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 16: Before (8)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

Meredith Grey watches me for another minute before she walks into the room. I'm holding my breath as she does because she's still in that black dress and she's still drop-dead gorgeous.

Only this time, the performance is only for me.

"How are you feeling, Addison?" Meredith asks me and my everything melts at her calling me by my name.

"I'm feeling fantastic," I say because I am.

"I'm glad," says Meredith, untensing her shoulders. I realize she might be feeling insecure here, after all, she'd just fucked my husband so she might be wondering if I'm still mad or something. I realize instantly I don't want her to do this only if she feels that she owes me. It wouldn't be right, and I don't want to take advantage of her like that.

"Meredith, you don't have to, you know. You don't have to have sex with me just because you feel guilty, or you want to settle some score, or you pity me. If this is not something you want, I don't want to pressure you," I insist.

"This isn't just because I feel guilty. I'm not thinking about a score. And I try not to pity you, Addison, because I know you wouldn't like that," says Meredith. And she's right. I wouldn't.

"I'm doing this because I want you, I've wanted you, and I just didn't know you could be into me back," says Meredith.

"Oh," I say, and I realize I hadn't actually announced that I'm not straight to anyone, ever, so it is logical for her to have assumed that I was straight.

"I care about you, Addison. I don't hate you, and I care," offers Meredith.

"But why?" I plead with her.

"I don't know, but I do. Let me show you how much," Meredith offers.

"Are you going to regret this in the morning? Like you regret Derek already? I won't be someone you regret," I say to Meredith.

"I won't regret you. I knew I would regret Derek the moment we were together in that room but I was horny and he was there so I kept going. I'm standing here beside you and I know you'd stop if I wanted and I'll stop if you really wanted to. But I don't want to stop and I don't think you do either by the way that you're looking at me. Even if I regret him, I won't regret you I promise. I just want a chance to get to know you," says Meredith, and she looks at me with tender eyes.

She's right, Meredith is right that I'm giving her bedroom eyes and I just can't help myself as she moves to the side of the bed and sits on the edge of it with me. Meredith isn't touching me yet but she almost is and I can feel her presence near me and I can see every sparkle on her dress and I can hear the vibrations of every breath that she takes.

"May I touch you?" Asks Meredith.

"If you're sure, then you may. Please, Meredith. I need you. I didn't know how much I needed you but now that you're offering me this, maybe I shouldn't be like this but I am. I'm not strong enough to say no to you now. And I seriously don't want to. You're breathtakingly pretty and I know I'm not much. But having you here next to me makes me feel-" I have no idea what I wanted to say next but I take a breath and I'm heaving from all of these words.

My chest is pounding and Meredith is coming closer to me and suddenly her hand is on my hip again.

The touch sizzles inside of me and ignites all the passion that's since been restrained.

I can't stop myself any longer. I just let myself go. And Meredith picks me up at every place where I start to feel like I'm falling apart.

Meredith's hands start to wander over every inch of me and even with the clothes between us I feel like I'm floating as her palms draw out my pain every time she applies even the slightest pressure.

As soon as her hands move in tandem over my chest I realize how aroused I am. All the sexual tension that has been building between us since we left the prom together is culminating more and more and every movement is sending shocks to my core.

"Damn," I swear when her hands cup my breasts. "Good thing or bad thing?" Meredith smirks like she already knows the answer.

"Very good thing," I groan as Meredith continues her movements. Meredith handles me with more vigor and she palms my breasts and kneads them.

"Ohhh," I let out a moan from deep within my throat. "You- you know what you're doing?" I ask as a question but I already know the answer to this.

"I do," Meredith smirks. "Some would say I'm quite good at what I am doing," Meredith smirks even further.

"I bet you are," I muttered and realized what I'd just implied. I mean, I had every right to. But I still regretted it because I didn't want to talk about Meredith's past partners including my husband because it just made me jealous of them, including of Derek, which I know is ironic, but now Meredith is moving to straddle me and I can't contain myself from feeling jealous of everyone she's made feel this good in the past…

"It doesn't matter. The past is the past. We're here right now. I'm not thinking about _him_ , I'm not thinking about anyone else. I'm only here thinking about _you,_ because you're the one I want to be with right now, and I don't blame you if your mind wanders but mine's not. I only want you Addison, and you can trust me on that," says Meredith.

At her admission, I let out a tear because I'm not sure anyone's ever said they'd only wanted me before. Even my husband, Derek, I'd had a sneaking suspicion he'd always been sort of at least half-interested in other people during our marriage. That's why I felt so neglected and ended up-

I realize my mind's wandering from Meredith and I don't want it to be.

Not while she's on top of me now and she's leaning down to kiss me again.

I reach up and cup her face with both hands and she reaches down to cup mine.

I open my eyes so I can see her caressing my face as I caress hers and she leans down to meet me so my head can stay comfortably on her pillow as I close my eyes and she does also and then we kiss again.

And just like the first time, I feel fireworks. And I can tell that Meredith is feeling them, too.

When we part our lips to breathe, Meredith's face is flushed and I can feel that mine is.

"I love kissing you," says Meredith.

"I love kissing you, too," I tell her.

It's the truth and I can tell the words are weighted and wanting but we can deal with that later.

Right now the lust is taking over and I'm guiding her gently to caress my neck again and Meredith eagerly suckles me ever-so-softly so I can feel her all over my sensitive spots.

Each time she finds a good one I like, Meredith steadies her lips there and works the spot with her tongue, making me moan out over and over little whispers.

Meredith moves southward, sucking on my collarbone and my shoulders as she pulls my dress away just enough so that she can.

I love the feeling and I want her to feel good also, so I raise my lips to her neck and I move to her ears and I ask if she likes to have them handled.

Meredith says that she does, and so I move to kiss the shell of them before I take them into my lips and make circles around each of her earlobes.

She's taking her time, and I suppose she has every reason to.

We have the whole evening together, and I selfishly realize that this means I'll have her for longer than-

I focus back on what we're doing here.

Meredith is suckling on my earlobes now and this motion has always caused me to melt and now is no different. Meredith has figured out exactly what I like very quickly and she's sucking on my earlobe while massaging the other than switching and it feels so amazing I sigh.

"This feels so good, Meredith. You feel so good. Thank you," I babble because I don't want her to have to guess about any of this.

"You feel amazing, Addison. Your skin is amazing. Your touch feels fantastic. And I want to worship you for as long as you can bear me to," says Meredith.

I can see the mischief in her eyes and I can tell she's going to make this last as long as she possibly can.

And I'm delightfully torn between wanting the release that I can feel is edging closer and closer from all of Meredith's eroticism and wanting to never stop having her way with me like this.

It's a push and pull in a special sort of sense and I feel like I'm suspended in a ripple in time where only pleasurable sensations exist.

"May I undress you?" Meredith asks, and I realize that as wet and close that I already am, that we're both still fully clothed and this suddenly feels like the most absurd part of this entire experience.

"You may, may I undress you?" I ask and Meredith says that I can.

Meredith moves off of me to facilitate this, and I whimper at the loss of contact but then her hands are back and she's having me turn over so she can unzip my dress inch by inch.

I feel the cool air on my back as Meredith loosens my clothing and then she has me slide my arms down as she slides the garment off of my body and I move to accommodate this.

I'm sitting there only in a bra and panties now, and I flip around to see Meredith hanging up my dress in her (at Cristina's hideout) closet.

Subsequently, Meredith comes back and lays on the bed next to me and motions for me to do the same for her and I do. I take off her dress slowly and carefully as I feel more and more of her skin open up from the fabric.

I move to hang her dress up as well on a spare hanger and Meredith nods approvingly as I do this, and it feels comforting to take the time to do this. They are very nice dresses and it would be a shame not to wear them again. I realize if I do wear that dress again or she wears hers and I see that I will always flashback to this moment when we're seeing each other more naked than we previously ever have.

I realize she's not wearing panties though. When I ask her about this, Meredith groans sheepishly and says that she's lost them.

"Where are they?" I ask dumbly.

"I lost them. Meaning I have no idea where they are. Let me know if you find them and I guess put them in the lost & found," Meredith just shrugs.

"Wait, you would want me to put your underwear in the lost & found?" I say because it sounds really absurd.

"Well, isn't that where people put lost stuff?" Meredith says.

"Yeah, but it's your panties!" I exclaim.

"Whatever. Everyone knows I'm a whore. You're the person I'd normally be afraid of finding out about having lost them, but you know now, and for all we know you might be losing your panties tonight also," says Meredith with a chuckle.

"Alright, point taken, Grey. Speaking of panties, can we take all of this off?" I motion to my own panties and my bra and her bra to show her what I'm talking about here.

"Yeah," says Meredith with a giggle as she unsnaps my bra and throws it somewhere and it lands who knows where.

I unclasp hers and I gulp when I see her breasts bare and I drop her bra to the edge of the bed.

Meredith asks one last time if she can take off my panties and I tell her that I can't wait.

She nods and she leans down and I lift my hips and she hooks them with two fingers on each side of me as she slides them past my waist, past my sides, past my thighs, past my hips and past my knees and calves and toes until they're freed from my body and she's holding them in her hands.

"They're really nice," Meredith says. "What kind are they?" Meredith asks as she examines them.

"SERIOUSLY!?" I say and Meredith giggles.

"I do want to know," says Meredith as she keeps looking to find a tag on them or a brand or something.

"Can we please talk about my panty shopping habits after we've had sex because I'm getting really really really desperate here," I tell her while my eyes darken and hers darken and I see that she gasps.

"Certainly," says Meredith as she smirks at me wider than ever before. My mouth goes completely dry as she looks at me with a hunger I've never seen until this very moment.

I don't see where my panties end up because Meredith's hands end up on my body and Meredith's lips end up on my own.

And I stop thinking again because Meredith is climbing on top of me and she's swollen and wet on my leg and I'm swollen and wet under her hand.

And as we start making love for the very first time, all I can think about is calling out her name.

But by the time we eventually get there, she's screwing me so damn good I can't get a single syllable out after all.

And Meredith Grey fucking loves that. And of course, despite myself, so do I.

* * *

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 16**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Yeah, so I know this doesn't resolve the previous chapter's cliffhanger. LOL!

I hope you enjoyed this transition though!

And the slow burn progression of their sexy times :).

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_ Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story: _

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	17. After (9)

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for your participation with all the lovely comments!

Here we go!

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 17: After (9)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

I'll never forget what Addison said to me after she found out that Derek found her panties in my dress pocket after the hospital prom.

"I think I wanted him to," Addison says to me.

"You wanted him to?!" I yelp at her.

"Yes, no? I think a part of me wanted him to know that I'm just as terrible as he is. And that you're just as lovely as you are," offers Addison.

"I'm not sure that's a huge compliment on my end?" I squeak.

"Well, I mean you seduced both Dr. Shepherd's within the span of an hour I think that's a skill," Addison chuckles.

"I thought you didn't like to be called that anymore?" I counter. She doesn't, I know she doesn't. She told me as much the other night.

"I don't, but I was proving a point about it at the time. Listen, Meredith... Derek and I should have been over long before prom. Long before you met him in Seattle. Long before I cheated on him with Mark. This was inevitable; we weren't happy. You set us free," Addison finally reveals to me.

"I set you both free?" I ask her.

"You set us _all_ free," I tell her.

"Wait, who else is there?" I ask her.

"Mark, mostly. And also everyone at the hospital who has to watch us bicker all of the time," Addison adds in for good measure.

"Oh," I say, because I don't want to tell her what I know about Mark and his past relationship(?) with Derek.

"I dragged Mark into this mess, I'm glad that you coming along is getting him out of it, mostly," says Addison.

"That wasn't only your fault," I tell her, without elaborating on anything.

"It feels like it though," says Addison.

"I think you might take on a lot of things as your fault," I sigh.

"Maybe," Addison sighs.

"Probably," I sigh.

"So do you," says Addison sympathetically.

"Maybe," I sigh again.

"Probably," Addison chuckles.

"Yeah, probably," I concede.

It's these simple word and simple word conversations we can have that I'm drawn to. We don't have to speak in whole sentences but we understand each other so deeply.

I've never felt this intuitive with someone before.

Interacting with Addison is second to none.

"Meredith, I'm sorry I pushed you away," says Addison. I can hear her voice breaking over the phone, and it breaks my heart for her, even more.

"It's alright, I wanted to give you space and time," I tell her, because that's what she said she needed.

"I took space and time, and then I was too scared to get close to you again. I couldn't be around you before divorcing Derek, I can't. It's too tempting and I don't want you to be the 'other woman,' for me again!" Addison finally exclaims.

"Wait, you didn't want to work with me or chat with me all week because you were worried you'd jump me in the hall?" I giggle.

"Pretty much," says Addison sheepishly. I can feel her blushing even over the phone.

"So it wasn't that you were worried about people finding out. You were worried about sleeping around on Derek with me while you were still married?" I asked her.

"Yeah. Plus it would have felt like even more adultery because you were with Derek again," offers Addison.

"Well, that was _your_ idea, may I remind you," I say to Addison pointedly.

"I didn't want you to be alone," says Addison.

"But you didn't want me to be with you?" I pleaded with her for an answer.

"I wasn't ready to be with you," says Addison.

"Oh, why?" I ask her.

"I needed time and space to figure out for myself if I could commit to you. If I could get over my failures and my past to offer all of myself to you. I had to make sure you wanted me and not Derek. I guess I needed to know I was all in and that you would be all in. Also, I felt bad for Finn," Addison rambles.

"Erm, so did you ask me to date Derek to see if I'd want him or you in the end?" I cut right to the chase.

"Erm... Kinda, yeah. I'm sorry," says Addison.

"That's usually not a great way to get someone to go out with you, to set them up with your husband who you're planning to divorce, but I guess I'm trying to understand your reasoning here," I say to Addison with a bit of a surprised inflection.

"I'm not always conventional?" Addison asks with a shrug I can hear.

"Right, I don't think that any of us are, and I also feel bad for Finn but I'm not sure what either of us can do about it since neither of us wants to date him!" I giggle.

Addison giggles back with me. It feels lovely, actually. I miss our giggles together the most.

"Are you ready to try to be with me?" I ask Addison directly.

My heart is pounding out of my chest as I say this. I feel fluttery just like the first time when I was about to kiss her. My everything is flip-flopping around and I feel tense and loose all at once. I want her to say 'yes,' but I only want her to say it if she's really ready. I can't handle her telling me a lie about this. I don't think she will though. Addison is a pretty honest person…

"I want to be. I'm trying to be. I think I'll be ready once I've had the divorce," says Addison honestly.

"When will that be?" I ask.

I let out a sigh of relief. It's a good answer, actually, for all that it's worth. Addison wants me. She just wants to get it right with me this time. And I like that.

"As soon as I can, darling," says Addison.

I take in the term of endearment for everything I have.

"Thank you darling," I say it, back to her. "Take the time that you need, I just hope it won't be too long because I miss you so much," I gush at Addison now.

"Ah, we can be friends for now, and I'll have you on my service at work while we wait, if you want. I'll just ask that we not have sex or kiss or touch again until I'm actually single," asks Addison.

"I'd really love that," I tell her. "I miss you so much. I miss just talking to you and laughing with you. And working alongside you," I tell her and pour all the emotions out.

"I miss you also. I miss the way you smile at what I say and I smile at what you say, and when you listen to my jokes, and also, the eager way that you want to learn from me," Addison tells me.

"I'll always want to learn from you," I tell her.

"I'll teach you what I have to offer, but I think in many ways I'm learning even more from you," says Addison.

"I'll teach you anything you want to learn that I know," I offer.

"I cannot wait to share everything with you," says Addison.

"I cannot wait to share everything with you," I say it to her back and I mean it like one couldn't believe.

"I miss you. I missed you. I missed you all week!" Addison finally exclaims into the phone.

"I missed you dearly every millisecond. When can I see you again?" I ask Addison.

"Could I see you again right now? I miss you?" Addison asks, and it's a better answer than I could have ever imagined.

"Sure, where would you like to go?" I ask her.

"Wherever you want to go now, I'll go," says Addison.

"I want you to come over. We can all hang out together, is that alright?" I ask her.

"You're at home right now, with Callie?" Says Addison and I tell her that is correct.

"That's great then. Just text me the address on Callie's phone and I'll make my way over," says Addison.

"Do you like muffins?" I ask her, suddenly realizing there's another person who might like Izzie's arsenal of baked goods.

"I love muffins," says Addison. "Why?" She asks.

"Ah, we have a lot of them to get eaten here," I chuckle.

"That sounds great. And Meredith? We can still cuddle if you want to. As long as it's friendship touching," Addison offers.

"We can be friends. It's even better if I get to cuddle with you!" I exclaim.

"I'll be over soon," says Addison.

"I cannot wait," I tell her.

_When Addison hangs up the phone I don't feel the sense of loss that I felt the other times we stopped talking. This time she's only stopping the phone call so she can drive over to meet me safely. I realize she's never been to my house before. And I cannot wait to invite her into our lives even more. And even more, I cannot wait to cuddle her into my arms once again._

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 16**

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_Author's Note:_

LarisUSB, you were the closest to correct in guessing.

What would you like as your prize? I'm offering you a one-shot of approximately 1000 words for MerAdd and you can pick whatever prompt or trope you want, and unless I'm uncomfortable writing it which I'll tell ya and you can pick another one, I'll fill it next :).

(That person's guess was that Addison was going to say "I'm finally free'.)

Thank you for everyone who guessed!

And yeah, I wanted it to be a good reaction. I'm glad there was enough tension to be scared though.

Yay!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	18. Before (9)

_Author's Note:_

This chapter is rated E for Explicit. Take from that what you will… LOL.

This chapter occurs embedded inside of the last "Before," chapter, as it describes well, them having sex.

If you're not up to reading the graphic lesbian sex I understand. If you want to though, please enjoy it and let me know what you think!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 18: Before (9)**

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**ADDISON**

As Meredith Grey climbs onto me for the first time, she's soft to the touch and I melt to the touch and she's firm and I'm putty in her warm and tender hands.

"Do you like this?" Meredith asks me.

"Yeah," I smile shyly as Meredith positions herself over one of my legs so she's straddling my thigh, and her swollen and wet sex grinds into my hip.

Meredith reaches down to place her palm gently over my own sex and the moment she does I gasp loudly in pleasure.

"More," I moan out to her and Meredith smiles down gently at me and nods.

"Always tell me when I do something you like. And if there's something you don't like, tell me right away. We have time but I still don't want to waste it on something that's less than the best for you. I won't be sad or hurt if you tell me to change something; it shows you trust me. I want you to trust me. I know that sounds ridiculous from me, but I need you to trust me if we're going to do this," says Meredith tenderly.

"I trust you like this," I tell her. I do. It's funny, because in a sense it's odd that this comes to mind but I find it comforting for her to have me like this. All naked and exposed alongside her, Meredith and I are stripped to our most vulnerable being and I don't feel ashamed.

The way Meredith looks at me like I'm the only person that matters in the whole world makes me feel warm and fuzzy. She helps me heal from feeling unwanted and alone. Meredith makes me feel desired and close. She's who I need right now. And I need her to touch me even more.

"Can you touch me more, please, Meredith?" I ask her. I know Meredith likes me begging and I know she likes me letting her know what I want. _What I desperately need._

"Certainly," says Meredith as she starts moving her palm so it grinds into my sex. She starts off with wide and broad strokes everywhere, spreading my arousal around in a pleasing way that gets me even more ready for more.

I can feel Meredith hot on my thigh and she grinds into me just enough so she's working herself up as well. I can tell that I am the first priority here, though, and I love that.

"I'm going to kiss down your body, okay?" Meredith asks me, and she gives me the time to think and say 'yes,' or 'no,'.

"Please," I beg her, and Meredith smiles and shifts her weight forward so that she's got her hands on either side of my head on the bed and she's leaning down to kiss my lips again.

I take her lips into my own and weave my hands through her hair, then down her neck and down her shoulders to her back. They rest there as Meredith teases her tongue in and out and kisses my lips and my mouth and tongue with her own.

Every movement sends shivers down my entire being as she continues to palm at my core as she detaches her lips from mine to work her way down.

Meredith begins her journey, planting open-mouthed kisses down my neck, down my shoulders where she nibbles lightly, down to my collarbone where she suckles her lips so my skin is lightly inside of her own.

The journey is long and torturous and I suddenly worry I won't even last until she reaches my sex.

"Meredith, I'm already close," I confess, because I am.

Normally I can last longer than this but it's been ages since I've had good sex and I realize I have a sudden fear of disappointing her.

"Would you like to go at this pace or slow down?" Meredith asks me.

"Can you keep going like this with your lips and slow your hand on me?" I ask her.

Meredith immediately complies and checks in again to see if I like her change in movements.

I feel her hand on my sex still at first, and then starts working ever-so-slowly so the stimulation is at a more manageable level.

Meredith nods as I tell her I like it like this and she smiles even wider as she leans down to talk to me.

"It's so nice to take this time. I want to savor every instant. I want to make this a good memory," offers Meredith, and I can't help myself- I kiss her again because I swallow every single syllable she lets out for me.

Meredith moves down to kiss down my body again, and this time she reaches my breasts. The moment she suckles my nipple with her mouth wide I can feel my hips buck into her. Meredith stills my movements with her hand on my hip pressing down.

"Do you like the pressure from my hand here?" Meredith asks me.

"Yes, I really like that," I confirm to her, because I do. Her warm and strong hand on my hip makes me feel safe and secure, and I love closing my eyes and just feeling as she teases her tongue over my nipple before she switches to the other one and I buck my hips up again as she reaches it.

"This feels great," I tell her, because I want her to know that I like what she's doing. Meredith smiles into the kisses on my nipple and it makes me giggle as her teeth graze the sensitive spot.

"Do you like teeth here?" Meredith asks before she tries it because she's not sure if I do or if I don't.

"Not really," I say, and Meredith nods, and makes sure she doesn't bite there by accident as she suckles my nipples into her mouth again.

She braces my hips against her hand to still my movements so all I can feel against my sex are small open-palming that covers all of my exterior sensitive parts at once.

"I like knowing more and more of what you like, Doctor Montgomery," says Meredith to me.

I smirk, I think it might be the first time I smirk at her and she smirks back at me even wider.

"I like knowing that my preferences are apparently what turn you on," I joke lightly.

"Everything about you turns me on, Addison," says Meredith as she leans down to kiss me again.

" _Every single thing_."

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 18**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

So, LarisUSB who won the contest about "what did Addison say to Meredith," has requested "Meredith and Addison go grocery shopping together," so eventually that will be a thing, I'll let you know! It'll probably be after this work is finished but of course, if you know me I usually end up saying on thing about my fanfiction schedule and doing the exact opposite, so y'know…

It'll happen at some point.

If you have another separate request for a meddison one-shot I'm all ears!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	19. After (10)

_Author's Note:_

Welcome back folks. I hope you enjoyed the last chapter about the soft and soothing sex.

Here's some more serious stuff. I won't spoiler it with warning tags because we've all watched the show I reckon.

I hope you enjoy how this is coming together because I really am!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 19: After (10)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

Addison Forbes Montgomery knocks on the door and then rings the doorbell but I don't need either sound to let me know that she's here.

Callie's in the kitchen again fixing up some food for her (our friend- but when it's said like that is sounds kinda dirty so really, her friend and my- well, friend but also more-than-friend-but-less-than-anything-else-for-right-now-because-she's-still-unfortunately-married..).

Callie was in the kitchen and I couldn't stop thinking about Addison so I stayed by my front door and stalked it until I saw a familiar car pull up in the driveway and I waited until she knocked and rang the doorbell to open the front door right away and pull her into a crushing hug.

"ADDISON!" I can't help but call out.

"MEREDITH!" Addison calls out to me back.

We're hugging each other like crazy in the damn door frame because I can't wait any longer- because she's finally here and now she's here in my arms once again.

"It's so good to see you," says Addison, and suddenly, I realize she might have been crying because her face is all puffy and her voice is breaking a bit.

"It's good to see you too, are you okay?" I ask Addison gently.

"Yeah," Addison says weakly, but I can tell there's more to it than that.

"Do you want to come to sit?" I offer.

Addison nods and I lead her to the couch and Callie brings us a plate of chilaquiles and a plate that has both cookies and Izzie's muffins on it.

"Do you want some tea?" Callie offers, and I've decided she can definitely be a part of our close circle of friends now because she totally deserves it.

"Yeah," I say. Addison looks up a bit shyly but Callie waves and says it's no biggie. "You like herbal tea right?" Callie asks Addison, who nods.

I get jealous for a second because Callie knows what tea Addison likes, but then I realize it's just because they were friends before we were friends because Callie's a senior resident and Addison's an attending. And also I was fucking her husband so I get she didn't really befriend me at first…

"Hey, what's with the face?" Addison asks me teasingly as she sees me scowl into the air.

"I got jealous Callie knew what kind of tea to make you," I admit honestly.

I know if we're going to have any shot at a future here together, that we have to be honest with each other. So I'm trying to be an example and telling Addison exactly how I feel.

"Oh, that's cute," says Addison, her eyes crinkling at the edges.

"It's a bit problematic but I guess I get really possessive," I shrug.

"What is it going to look like when you have every right to be possessive over me?" Asks Addison.

My heart's swelling now because she just implied that she's going to make me _hers_ and I just cannot wait.

"Probably more of the same. I'll try not to scowl at all your friends though," I say shyly.

"Thank you Meredith. I know it's messed up but I think a part of me likes that you'd fight for me," offers Addison.

"Of course I would," I say easily. I think everyone would fight over her. I mean, people already have. I laugh aloud as I think about this.

"People kinda fought over you before," I laugh.

"Wait what?" Addison questions, and it looks like she really doesn't know the effect she has on many people.

"You had Derek and Mark fighting over you at the end of your time in New York?" I say, but then I trail off because I might be getting the story wrong.

"Oh. That's not how I see it," says Addison.

"How do you see it?" I ask her, because I really do want to know.

"The way I see it, is that Derek had resigned himself to be most in love with his work and his career and he didn't have time for me. I felt old and used up and lonely. And Mark's had an off-and-on thing for me for a long time. In between people he'd be seeing he would hit on me despite my being married to his best friend. And Mark would just spend so much time with Derek and those two were so close the three of us would end up hanging out together a lot. Sometimes I felt like the third wheel of their 'relationship,' you know? I felt like I was dating both of them even though I was only married to Derek," Addison begins.

I try not to show any revealing emotion at the part where Addison talked about Derek and Mark.

That was Derek and Mark's story to tell her and even if I love Addison I still need to keep Derek's promise to him. I need her to know I'm someone loyal about promises, even though Derek and I are not really friends with each other right now, and he's my ex-boyfriend and soon to be Addison's ex-husband, he still deserves our respect. And besides, me telling Addison about Derek and Mark would just hurt her right now. And I don't _ever_ want to hurt Addison again.

"Well, anyway, at the back end of our marriage, I was so alone and Mark was always around. And so one day when he offered to make me feel better and kiss me and touch me, I let him. And it helped for a little while because I'd been so untouched for so long. It became a thing, but Mark, in the end… Anyway, that was a whole other mess," says Addison.

Addison breaks into tears again and I hold her close to my chest.

Addison curls into me and sobs and I just stay there soothing her hair and her face.

She lets go, and I love the way she's just being herself right now. I love that she feels comfortable falling apart in my arms.

Callie comes back with two tea mugs and hesitates before she sits down on the nearby armchair.

"Do you want me to stay? Or I can go for a walk?" Callie offers us both.

"Addison?" I ask her, because I want her to feel it's her choice.

"Callie can stay. We're friends. You and I are friends. I know it's different kinds of friends but you're still both my close friends and I want you both here if that's okay," Addison offers, and I nod to comply.

It's what Addison wants, and it's what's probably best for us also.

When Addison is hurting like this, all I want to do is kiss her to make her feel better. And I know that I can't because Addison wants us to wait. So it's probably best we're not all alone so the temptation does not get away from me.

Addison starts to continue her story and I realize that Callie might have heard of some of this before. I don't feel angry or jealous as before though. I just want to hear her keep talking because it seems to help soothe her to get the words off of her chest.

"In New York, I feel I need to tell you this Meredith. You need to know the whole truth. Mark and I stayed together for two months after Derek caught us the first time together. Derek went to Seattle and he must have met you, then. But I was back in New York still with Mark and we gave it a shot as a 'couple,' or as much as we could without me being actually divorced. Mark understood though, but he's also Mark. We slept together a few times and it was fine and all. But then one day I started to be sick all the time and I realized-" Addison's voice breaks off again and she totally loses it. Addison starts bawling into my chest and I keep holding her into my arms…

"It's okay, Addison. You're okay. It's all going to be okay," I say to her in a whisper, and I can feel Addison nodding even as she has her head buried into my shirt.

"Mm," says Addison, confirming this as she keeps on crying and it takes a while for her to start speaking again.

"After a month-and-a-half, I knew it was no fluke. I'm an OB-GYN. I know the signs. And I had the signs. And I ran my own blood at work under a pseudonym. I was pregnant. And it wasn't Derek's. It was Mark's. I was having a baby and I was freaking out. I didn't know if I didn't want it because it was Mark's and not Derek's or I didn't want a baby at the time or I have no fucking clue. But I ended it. And I told Mark. And I never told Derek. He probably found out anyhow though, from Mark," Addison finally yelps as she recounts her story.

I take some time to process this as I keep running my hands through her hair. Addison stiffens then relaxes when she realizes I have not disappeared on her already.

"I'm here," I tell her. "I'm listening," I reassure her. "I'm still here. I'll always be here, Addison. I'll be here," I tell her. And I mean that more than anything.

I guess I'm surprised at her story about all of this but on the other hand, I'm not really shocked. Addison is a little older than me and she's been married for a decade. It's not surprising that she's fallen pregnant at some point, and if it happened while she was sleeping with Mark, it's just a fluke of nature and not a big deal. She didn't want a kid, or his kid, or a kid at the time and that's purely her body and her choice and I don't judge her for that in the slightest.

"Do you hate me, Meredith?" Addison asks genuinely.

"No, I don't hate you, Addison. Do you hate me?" I ask her.

"I don't hate you, Meredith," says Addison.

"I should have-" Addison's voice starts to break before she explains all of her regrets and I squeeze her palm into my hand and she flips her hand to hold onto mine.

"A lot of things. I know. Me too, a lot of things. But that's all the past, and it's okay to reflect on the past but we can't change that now. I know you now and I know more of your story and I still want to be your friend. And I still want to be more than your friend. And I still want to be with you when you're ready to have me like that," I offer because I need her to know how much it's true.

"You still want me after all of that?" Says Addison.

"I still want you the same," I tell her, brushing a hair off of her face.

Callie coughs and I remember we're not alone here. It's not a bad thing though. I'm glad Addison's friend and my friend got to hear this part of her story in the way that she wanted to tell it.

"Callie?" Asks Addison, showing she still needs to hear her friend's reflection on this, also.

"I always wondered why things didn't work out with you and Mark, and I'm not judging you at all. I'm a bit surprised but that's just because I'm surprised I didn't know about this, but I get why it's something you might not feel comfortable sharing normally," offers Callie.

"You know, for what it's worth, I think Mark could have made a decent father," I offer.

"I think Mark would make a great father," says Callie with a shrug.

"Wait, you're not going to go run off and have a baby with him are you?" Asks Addison with a laugh.

"I have George, remember?" Says Callie with a laugh.

"Right. See, I will just tell you as your friend that I do not recommend having an adulterous love-child with Mark Sloan. Or in general to have affairs against your partner. It's actually awful," says Addison.

"I swear to God, cross my heart, that I'll do my very best not to have affairs and/or to have an adulterous love-child with Mark Sloan," says Callie.

"Okay, good. Not because I don't like you or Mark. Actually I think you two could make pretty babies together now that I think about it. But you're with George now and Mark actually cheated on me in New York so I just want to give you a heads up about that," Addison says aloud, mostly to Callie.

"Wait, Mark cheated on YOU? What the hell?" I exclaim.

"Yeah, we were together-but-not in New York and then I caught him sleeping with some random girl in my bed. That's when I started calling Derek all the time and I eventually just followed him to Seattle when Richard offered me the TTTS case, and that's when I met you, and the rest is history. But that's why I don't want to start something with you before I'm actually single because it worked out terribly the last time and it wasn't really fair for Mark or I," offers Addison.

"I understand, and I'm glad we can try to make things work better and learn from the past. I'm also really sorry about the cheating," I tell her. I really am. Just because she cheated on Derek with Mark it doesn't mean she deserves the karma of Mark cheating on her with some random person. Plus Derek and Mark were apparently sexing each other up too so that just makes it all worse for Addison.

"Thanks, Grey," says Addison.

"You can call me 'Meredith,' y'know," I say teasingly.

"Right, Old habits. Plus it's shorter," says Addison with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess 'Montgomery,' is a lot of syllables. I could call you 'Forbes,' though I guess," I offer.

"I'm not sure anyone's called me that. But I sound like a magazine when you say it like that," Addison laughs.

" _I wanna be on the cover of 'Forbes,' magazine, smiling next to Oprah and the Queen,'_ I start to sing the words to 'Billionaire,' that contain these words and it makes Addison laugh even harder.

"I'm not even sure that that would be as a double-entendre," Callie laughs and Addison and I snap back to her and then we look at each other and we all laugh again.

"Okay, I'm gonna call you 'Forbes,' from now on. Alright?" I ask Addison.

"Sure, Grey," Addison laughs.

"Is Derek gonna be mad we start dating after your divorce?" I ask Addison genuinely.

"He'd be kind of a hypocrite if he's mad about me wanting to date you, now wouldn't he?" Addison laughs.

"If he's angry, I'll punch him out for you. I'm an ortho-doc. I know where it hurts in the bones!" Callie offers.

"Thanks, Callie," says Addison.

"Okay, I shouldn't hope he'll be mad but that sounds really funny," I laugh.

"It kinda does," says Addison.

"You're welcome," says Callie.

And we all just keep laughing our minds off as we sip our tea and eat cookies and more and more of Izzie's procrasti-baked muffins.

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 19**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

Hope you enjoyed this! I wanted to show a friendship here with Callie for the girls. And I wanted to show how Addison is honest and upfront about her history with Mark which Meredith never really got to know directly on the show. Plus the trope of Mark and Derek together because I just can't help myself.

Thanks for your feedback on the slow sensual sex on the last one!

And let me know what you think of this one. Sometimes the chapter lengths vary, but I do want to give about equal airtime to both characters/sections eventually :).

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_ Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story: _

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	20. Before (10)

_Author's Note:_

This is the highest point of Explicit!

Pun not intended - eek.

(Erm, you know what? Never mind. Just here is the chapter…)

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 20: Before (10)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

There's something about sleeping with women that's more intimate than with men. For me, at least. In my own humble opinion.

I think it's about how much time there is in the world; there's no limit. There's no rush. There's no pressure to finish before your partner.

I realize this as I'm being given sex by a woman for the first time in over a decade. It's not like I've never done this before. It's not like _she's_ never done this before because she definitely has based on all of her skills that are driving me completely crazy now.

There's just so much time.

And Meredith is certainly taking all the time in the world and I can't get enough of everything she's doing to my gentle body and my even tenderer soul.

"How are you feeling?" Meredith asks me, her palm still rubbing me softly and her lips still kissing down my body gently.

"I'mfeelingreallygood," I mumble all as one word.

"Huh?" Says Meredith, pulling back for a second which makes me whimper and narrow my eyes at her by accident.

"Hey!" I say to her. "That was really good!" I whine a bit to get her to go back to what she was just doing.

"Oh! Okay. Yeah, I'll keep going now! I just wanted to check in with you," Meredith smiles sweetly.

"Thanks. I'm great. Please don't stop- it just feels so good please just don't stop!" I babble.

"Mmhmm," Meredith hums in response as she kisses down my abdomen and drags her tongue over my rippling stomach muscles.

"God, you're so fit. You're _athletic_ , seriously," says Meredith.

"I hardly run anymore in this weather," I laugh. "I used to jog in New York," I explain. As I giggle my abs tense up and Meredith can't help but run her spare hand over them in appreciation.

I'd half-forgotten about the jogging and I guess I let myself go. I half-fantasized about getting _really really really fat_ to see if either Mark or Derek would notice at all, but that never happened because I literally didn't have enough time to eat that much between surgeries.

Not that that would have been a healthy coping mechanism or way of seeking the intimacy that I needed. God, I'm 39 and still so many terrible ideas. At least that one never actually panned out though. And now I'm glad that I never went through with anything unhealthy like that because the way Meredith is grazing her fingernails over me I can tell she just wants me to feel good in my skin.

"Sometimes I'm a bit self-conscious about how I look," I sigh.

"Mm, yeah. So am I. so are we all. And I guess that's how it goes. If you could see your body the way I could see it though, gosh. I just want to admire it all night and all day long," Meredith sighs.

"Erm, Meredith erm, not that I don't love you admiring me 'all night long,' here, but I'm going to explode if you don't fuck me here," I pant out.

Meredith has mostly let her hand rest at my core but she's giggling and it shifts her hand over my clit and every time she hits the right spot I feel like I'm about to start coming.

"Right! I'm getting there," Meredith smirks and I can tell she's loving all of this teasing.

"You realize I'm going to tease you right back, huh?" I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Yeah," says Meredith with a smile. "I bet you're gonna really love that," Meredith chuckles.

"I am. I'm going to take my damn time because you're taking your damn time and goddamnit Grey I seriously need you to start screwing me here!" I practically start yelling and Meredith just keeps smirking and it's sexy and frustrating as hell.

"Did I make you feel beautiful?" Meredith asks me.

"Uh-huh. I'm going to say anything to get you to stick your fingers in me at this point," I deadpan.

"But I want you to believe that you're beautiful!" Says Meredith.

"You know what, when you look at me like that, I really do," I open my eyes and I look up into her blue ones and I can tell she knows I'm being really sincere.

"I feel beautiful when you look at me, too," says Meredith.

And with that, Meredith slides one finger, past my entrance, and into me, gently.

"Ooh, God," I moan as my head is thrown back onto the pillow and my eyes squeeze shut once more.

Meredith finds my spot right away. It takes her less than four seconds to find it. And when she circles it with her finger I clench reflexively onto her digit.

"That's it. Oh, that's it. That's it-" I babble and Meredith gains the confidence to slide another finger in.

I love feeling a little full there, and Meredith circles her fingers around my opening to make me feel fuller. She alternates between this and sliding curved fingers up to hit my spot and I take it all in because it's heavenly.

Meredith's thumb brushes my clit once and I swear and thrash about on the bed in ecstasy. "Meredith if you do that I'm gonna come, I'm gonna-" I try to explain it but everything is starting to get fuzzy and Meredith hasn't even worked her way down my body yet.

"Do you want to come now? Or do you want me to help make you last?" Meredith gives me the option.

"I want to last longer, and I want to come, and I just need more of you," I babble.

"Are you worried I'll disappear once it's over?" Meredith asks thoughtfully as she pulls her thumb away from my clit temporarily.

"I think I am," I admit finally.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here. I'm here, Addison," Meredith coos.

"This sex, it's so nice and calming. I feel tense because I'm building a hell of an orgasm but I feel nice. You're nice. I don't know what I'm making words," I babble less and less coherently.

"Would you like to feel my mouth on you?" Meredith offers.

"Only if you want to," I tell her. "I don't want you to unless you want to," I tell her.

"I want to. It's my favorite," says Meredith.

"If you're sure… It's my favorite, too," I tell her honestly.

It's been a very long time since a woman has gone down on me but I still remember how much pleasure it gave me. And that was nothing compared to the pleasure that Meredith is offering me right now.

"I want to lick you, and taste you, and eat you out," Meredith growls.

I nearly come from just her words alone.

I don't though, I hold on with all of my might as Meredith laps her tongue in long strokes up my labia. She starts wide and broad as she laps up all of my juices.

"Yes, yes, yes, Meredith," I call out as she does this. My voice is getting breathier and I have to consciously take in tiny sips of air.

More kisses. More touches. More skin on skin.

Meredith is edging me slowly, as much as I can possibly take she's giving me softly now.

My breathing is ragged and I can barely speak. I realize they write stories about how people call out names or screams when they come but I realize that's not going to happen here.

I'm so close yet so far and I'm suspended in time.

If I had to talk I'm sure I could, or at least I think so, until I try to tell Meredith "please," and it comes out merely as a whisper.

I giggle at myself because I've never felt this disheveled and undone in the most wonderful way.

Meredith is looking at me now and my eyes are open again and I'm taking in the sight of her lapping in between my thighs.

"Would you like me to add in my fingers?" Meredith offers, and I try to say 'yes,' but I end up simply nodding vigorously because again, I can't even speak- I'm so damn fucked out already.

Meredith inserts one finger back in carefully, finding my spot and massaging it before adding in another finger so she's working me with two. Since she's started this, I've gotten a bit looser so I know I can take another.

"One more," I ask, whispering again. Whimpering again. And Meredith complies immediately.

Now, Meredith is three-fingers deep inside of the most intimate part of me and she's lying on her stomach and licking my core and it's the best feeling I've ever felt in my life.

I realize this as she keeping giving sex to me softly that she's so far the best that I've ever had.

And it's not even over yet.

Not that I want it to be.

More touches. More kisses. More lustful looks.

But I do know that I need to come soon because I've been clenching and tightening to make myself last but my resolve is crumbling by the second.

"You can come when you want to, Addison," Meredith encourages me.

"It's okay to let go. It's okay to let yourself go. It's okay to let yourself feel," Meredith offers.

And I know she's not talking about only my orgasm, here.

"Mer," it comes out as a whisper as I grip back onto her. My hands have been flailing between the sheets and her hair and her skin.

And now they land on her neck as I caress it as I feel myself to start to let go.

I try to keep my eyes open to watch her watch me climax.

Meredith is licking her lips as she sees me come undone, as I feel my walls clench around her three fingers, as I feel the heat radiate through my core, as I feel myself shake from the exertion it takes to keep making me feel amazing.

The orgasm overtakes me completely and my eyes press shut and my back arches off the bed as I thrust my hips up into her fingers, milking every last piece of pleasure I can as Meredith keeps cleaning me up as I grow wet yet again.

My arousal lands at her lips and she laps it into her mouth; drinking from me the taste of her own actions.

Meredith's surgically delicate fingers keep working me on my spot and the g-spot massage is so good as she strikes my spot firmly that I guess out into her all over again.

"Ohhh," I moan out breathlessly as I feel myself releasing everything that I have into her wanting lips and tongue.

We stay like this until I can't stand it anymore, and Meredith starts to slow her movements to bring me down gently back onto earth.

"Wow," I say as I come to. I must have passed out for a second from how good she'd fucked me. I guess I got my wish after all.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asks me.

"I'm more than okay, I'm feeling ext-t-ta-ticc," I stutter out and Meredith smirks at my fluttered speech.

"I'm glad," says Meredith.

"Thank you," I say to Meredith and I hope she knows that I mean this for so much more than just the sex here.

"You're welcome," she says in a weighted way that lets me know that she understands.

"Can I do you?" I ask her because I really want to.

"Yeah, of course, when you're ready. I'll let you catch your breath first. It's okay to rest for a while," says Meredith as she leans down beside me.

"I just want to hold you here in my arms for a bit, is that okay?" I ask Meredith.

"Absolutely. I want to hold you in my arms for as long as I can," says Meredith.

And she does until I start to stir.

And when Meredith asks why I'm moving from her embrace, it's my turn to smirk at her widely.

"I want to taste you," I say, licking my lips for effect.

"Please," says Meredith. And with that, I'm upon her.

* * *

*

*

*

*

*

****** **END OF CHAPTER 20**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

So, last chapter, I was re-reading this and there was a comment someone said about wanting to know what happens next. And I was like "I know, right!" And then I realized and commented, that I'm the author of this… So apparently I actually have to imagine what happens next… LOL!

Thanks for all the enthusiasm for this one.

And ps. My favorite is when commenters point out their favorite parts of the chapter :).

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	21. After (11)

_Author's Note:_

There's a lot of hype on Tumblr and Twitter now about Meredith/Addison.

You can interact with me as an author on those platforms if you want, I'm bobbiejelly on Tumblr and bobbiejelly1 on Twitter. Just mention your username from the fanfiction-reading-platform especially if it's different so I know where it's coming from :). And also it's bobbiejelly1 on Ficbook, but that's only russian and I only have a Killing Eve fan-translation of an original work there…

Enjoy this chapter!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 21: After (11)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

"I gotta go!" Says Callie as she gets a page into the hospital.

"What is it?!" Addison and I say in mutual intrigue.

"It doesn't say, but it's a 9-1-1 page!" Says Callie.

"Ooh! I bet it was a ferry boat that crashed into a plane!" I tell her.

"Can I bet it was a blizzard that turned into a bombing?" Addison offers.

"But it's not snowing out?" I tell Addison.

"Okay, it was a shooting that turned into a bombing," says Addison.

"You're all so morbid!" Says Callie.

"Come on what are you guessing though?" I ask her.

"Car crash?" Says Callie.

"That's boring!" Says Addison.

"It doesn't make it less tragic," says Callie.

"Yeah, I guess. But our guessing game is more fun," I say back.

Callie has to go, though, before we get in a second guess each about how the patient got injured.

We probably shouldn't joke about all of these things, but it's really the only thing that keeps us entertained around here amongst our surgical friends.

Well, that and, well-...

Now that Addison and I are alone it's much more challenging to keep up our resolve of being 'just friends,' for the moment.

"I hate that I can't sleep with you right now," says Addison bluntly.

"I know," I tell her.

"You were the best I ever had, did you know that?" Addison offers.

"Really?" I say, rather intrigued.

"Yeah. I knew you were even before I finished," says Addison honestly.

"Wow, either I'm good or you've been having some really really shitty sex," I tease her.

"You're good," Addison offers.

"Yeah, Derek's not bad so I guess I must be amazing," I smirk.

"Yeah. He's not bad. But you're pretty amazing," says Addison.

I laugh with all of my body. It's probably a bit messed up we're laughing about this now but it all feels so far away once we're sitting here together enjoying each other's company.

"Do you like Izzie's muffins?" I ask her, changing the subject away from the most dangerous subject.

"Yeah, I could eat a truckload of these!" Addison gushes.

"You'll have to tell Izzie that. She's great and she's sad about Denny so she could maybe use a pick-me-up," says Meredith.

"Is she here?" Addison asks, realizing that Izzie might have overheard all of our conversations.

"She's upstairs. Probably listening to music though," I smile at Addison.

"Do you think she'd be up for a visit? I'm only into you, Meredith, in the 'dating way'. But I'm very fond of Izzie as a student and as a doctor and as a person and I do want to check in on her," says Addison.

"Of course, I really like that you mentor Izzie on maternal medicine. She told me what you said to her one time about deciding whether or not it was important for her to hate you. I'm glad she didn't hate you. I'm glad that I don't hate you, not that I ever really did," I offer.

"Would Izzie like tea?" Addison asks me.

"Yeah, we can bring her some," I offer.

Addison holds the mug as I show her the way to Izzie's room upstairs and we knock on her door a few times.

"Hey Izzie," says Addison.

"Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd?" Says Izzie. "Wait, am I hallucinating a ghost here? I've never seen Addison in our house before?" Izzie says in alarm.

"Umm, I'm not dead. Nor a ghost. Nor a hallucination?" Says Addison.

"She's real-life, Iz," I tell her.

"Oh. Cool. Do you want to come in?" Izzie asks us.

"If you want. We brought tea," Addison offers. "Oh, and it's just going to be 'Montgomery,' soon," Addison says and I can't contain my smile.

"Wait, you're breaking up with McDreamy?!" Says Izzie as she materializes in front of the door and opens it for both of us.

"Well, I never did really call him that but yes, Derek and I are getting a divorce," Addison offers.

"Why?" Says Izzie, groggily not really filtering her thoughts all that much.

"Meredith," says Addison without an explanation.

"SERIOUSLY!? Wait, then why are you here if you're breaking up with your husband and her boyfriend and Meredith is just standing there? Aren't you supposed to be hating each other?" Says Izzie.

"Oh, no, umm. I mean I'm getting a divorce so I can be with Meredith, as my girlfriend, if she wants that of course I didn't mean to jump but-" Addison rambles.

"Of course I wanna be your girlfriend," I say sweetly as I wrap my arm posessively over her hip.

Izzie looks between both of us, smiles, and nods, and then welcomes us into her room to sit and drink tea.

"So you're both going to date each other?" Asks Izzie.

"Yeah," I say. "Yeah," says Addison.

"Does Derek know?" Asks Izzie carefully.

"Umm. Yeah. He knows," I say awkwardly.

"Wait how?" Says Izzie.

"I think he found my underwear in her dress," says Addison.

"Awkward," Izzie laughs.

"Yeah," I say.

"Wait, didn't she pin your panties to a bulletin board?" Says Izzie to me.

"It was actually my idea, as a joke," I tell her.

"When did this come up?" Asks Izzie.

"Well, umm, we were um," Addison squirms adorably.

"OH. Never mind. Okay. Right. You know if you tell Alex Karev this he's going to have a field day, right? He frequently asked me if I fantasized about chicks and wanted me to. Actually, even Denny told me he couldn't top the idea of 'girl on girl,' once it got brought up. Seriously, I swear every guy is like, super into it," says Izzie in a huff.

"Mark probably would be," Addison says with a sigh.

"Derek didn't seem all that into it," I observe.

"No, you're right. He's not," says Addison.

"What are you going to tell George?" Says Izzie.

"I have no idea," I say to her.

"Is he still in love with you? I was with him when you had your hand on the bomb and he was freaking out and I was freaking out and I think that's when I realized I didn't want you to die," Addison admits honestly.

"Erm, no. George has gotten over me luckily. But um, he might freak out a bit about the lesbian thing," I offer.

"What about Cristina?" Says Addison.

"She's my person. She'll get over it. She'd probably kill someone if she had to, to save me or someone she loved. She'll be okay with me dating Ms. McDreamy," I smile.

"Wait, Ms. McDreamy!?" Says Addison.

"McHot?" I offer.

Addison blushes and I think that I've won.

"Forbes?" I say to her in our new inside joke.

Addison smiles and Izzie starts giggling and then she tells us we're sort of adorable.

"I think you've won the most attendings an intern has fucked so far in our class," says Izzie to me.

"Wait, that was a contest?" I squint at her.

"Not really but you've won it unless you think someone's going to do Burke, Derek, AND Addison next," says Izzie.

"NO WAY. NO ONE ELSE IS TOUCHING ADDISON. NOT GONNA HAPPEN," I say possessively again and pull Addison towards me by the shoulders.

"See, you're going to keep up that record," Izzie smiles.

"I'm not doing this for records, for the record. I'm dating her because I really like her," I say and Addison faces me and nods back.

"We're trying to be 'just friends,' until my divorce comes through, but it's proving to be difficult," says Addison.

"Well, as soon as you can I think you should be together if you want to be. I wanted to be with Denny longer but his heart stopped. You don't always get the time you want, and I'm not saying either of you is dying, I'm just saying why not enjoy it if it's good," Izzie offers.

"Thanks, Stevens," says Addison.

"You're welcome. You're a great mentor Dr. Montgomery. But remember I grew up in a trailer park so I know how to punch if you hurt her," says Izzie in my benefit.

"I will keep that in mind," says Addison with a smile. "I don't ever want to hurt Meredith, though," says Addison dreamily.

"Do you have your muffin recipe? I think Addison might want it. She's eaten almost all of them," I say with a giggle.

"Sure, I'll email it. Thanks for eating them, the baking was getting a bit out of hand," Izzie laughs.

"It's good to hear you're feeling a bit better," I say to Izzie.

"Yeah, I'm working on it," says Izzie.

"Are you going to come back to work?" Says Addison.

"Yeah, and I might need some advice about being really rich," says Izzie.

"What?" Says Addison.

"I have 8.7 million dollars now," says Izzie. "It's from Denny's family," she adds.

"Izzie!" I say, but Addison only laughs.

"What should I do? The cheque is in my kitchen and it's stressing me out," says Izzie.

"Well, I would deposit the cheque, first of all, Stevens. And then I think you'll find your way," offers Addison.

"Okay," says Izzie.

"SERIOUSLY!? We all said that but when it's Addison you listen?" I giggle.

"Yeah but if Addison told you something you'd listen, right?" Izzie quips back at me.

"Yeah but it's different because-" I start to say but Izzie cuts me off because she 'doesn't wanna hear a porno,' even though that's not what I was about to say anyhow.

"I'm glad to offer advice about something, even if I'm not always a great example," says Addison.

"You save BABIES!" Says Izzie. "And mothers!" Izzie adds.

"Professionally I have a case. Personally, well, with Meredith it's getting better," Addison smiles at me and I just about melt to the floor.

"Seriously," says Izzie with a smile.

"Yeah, seriously," I say to her, as I keep my arm around Addison as if to say 'look who picked me!'.

We all chat for a while until I get a phone call from Cristina as well as six incoming texts at once.

"Hey," I pick up the phone and ask my best friend what's up.

"MEREDITH GREY HOW THE HELL DID YOU NOT TELL ME YOU LEFT PROM TO GET WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND'S WIFE AND STEAL HER UNDERWEAR!? I AM YOUR PERSON AND JUST BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND GOT SHOT DOESN'T MEAN I SHOULD HAVE TO FIND OUT ALL OF THIS FROM DR. SHEPHERD!" Cristina yells.

"I'm so sorry Cristina, I just knew you were on call at work and I forgot to mention it!" I say.

"Well, wait are you two doing it right now because if so I'm gonna go. I mean I've heard about you doing it with the other McDreamy but I don't need to know about you doing it with her because she's still my boss too and-" Cristina starts rambling.

"We're not having sex right now, Cristina. We're staying just friends until my divorce comes through," says Addison into the microphone.

"Oh. That must suck. I'm sorry. I guess we can be celibacy buddies because Burke's in recovery and you're getting un-hitched and Izzie's guy died tragically," Cristina says bluntly.

"Right…" I say and then I giggle because that's such a Cristina thing to say snarkily.

"Does Alex know?" Cristina asks me.

"No, and neither does George," I offer.

"You might freak out McBambi, but Alex's gonna have some high-key fantasies about you guys heads up," says Cristina.

"Hey! I had the same thoughts!" Says Izzie.

"Wait are you all having a threesome?" Says Cristina.

"WE'RE NOT HAVING SEX!" Says Addison.

"We're not, they brought me tea and cookies," says Izzie.

"See, that sounds gay on principle," says Cristina.

"HEY! Straight people can still have snacks," says Izzie.

"Are you 'straight people,' Izzie," asks Cristina.

"Umm," says Izzie. "Mostly," says Izzie. "You?" She asks.

"Also mostly," Cristina shrugs. "Well, I gotta bounce, I'm on shift. I just had to hear this from you. Good luck with the rumor mill and the nurses though," says Cristina to Addison and I and also Izzie for a separate reason.

"Thanks, Cristina," says Addison.

"Oh be prepared Addison, I could stab you with a scalpel no problem if you break her damn heart," says Cristina.

"Wow, two of these in one day. Your friends are fierce, Grey," says Addison.

"Yeah," I say back to her. "Thanks, Cristina, and good luck on the surgeries!" I say.

"Bye Cristina!" Says Izzie.

"Is Burke okay?" I ask before Cristina's hands up.

"He's getting better. Oh, and by the way, Burke already knows about you and Addison, Mer. Actually so do Bailey and Richard because Derek doesn't keep his mouth shut," says Cristina.

"Well, at least I don't have to come out at the hospital," I shrug.

"Oh, no! I'm an OB-GYN! What are people going to say when they hear I'm into people with vaginas!?" Says Addison.

"I'm pretty sure you know how to do your job and give sex as two very different things. I mean believe me I know you have impecable technique in-" I begin but Izzie cuts me off sharply.

"If you guys are gonna talk about naked things you gotta get out of my room now," says Izzie.

"Sorry," I say sheepishly.

"I think you're still the same great doctor, Dr. Montgomery," Izzie offers.

"Thanks, both of you," says Addison.

"But me the most right?" I say sweetly.

"Hey, if you keep smirking like that-" Says Addison.

"GO TO YOUR OWN ROOM, YOU GAYS!" Says Izzie, and we all collapse in another fit of laughter.

* * *

*

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*

*

*

****** **END OF CHAPTER 21**

* * *

_Author's Note:_

So I caved and I got Livejournal as well as Dreamwidth today. Both of them have the same username as here, bobbiejelly. Neither of them has much on it, it's more of just a way to be able to track down, save, and comment on more MerAdd fanfictions.

If anyone has advice about using these platforms and/or any fanfiction recommendations let me know!

Thanks all.

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

_Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story:_

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	22. Before (11)

_Author's Note:_

So, I promised in the last chapter in the comments that Meredith wasn't just going to walk away before getting some. Well, as I said, she's staying. Read on for all the nitty-gritty details :).

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 22: Before (11)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

_When Meredith asks why I'm moving from her embrace, it's my turn to smirk at her widely._

" _I want to taste you," I say, licking my lips for effect._

" _Please," says Meredith. And with that, I'm upon her._

"Are you okay?" I ask Meredith as I crawl over her smaller body the same way that she did.

"Umm," says Meredith hesitantly, and I immediately pull back and sit on the bed again.

"Erm, so I have this thing where I like to still be on top. At least for the first time with someone. It's a comfort thing, a trust-issue thing, or maybe a kinky thing, I have no idea but is it alright if I at least start on top of you for this?" Meredith asks me nervously.

"Oh, yeah, of course, I didn't know, but now that I do, erm, sure. Make yourself comfortable and let me know when you want to start as long as you still do," I say.

Meredith relaxes and nods vehemently as she flips me onto my back with a 'woosh,' and then climbs back onto me. This time she's straddling my other leg from the last time, and still, I can feel her wet heat pooling again on my thigh.

"Okay, now I'm ready," Meredith's smirk returns, and I'm glad for it. I was worried I pushed her into something she's not comfortable with and it must show on my face or something.

"I forgot to tell you, you couldn't have known otherwise. I'd be madder if you'd already known, you know, through gossip or something," says Meredith sweetly.

"Oh, good. Are you sure you want me to?" I ask her as I gesture with my hand.

"Oh, fuck yeah. What, you think I'm just gonna walk away without gettin' any?" Meredith snarks back.

I smile widely at the return of her sexual persona and nod and chuckle back with her.

"Yeah, that would probably be a bit uncomfortable," I laugh.

"Just a bit," says Meredith, grinding on my thigh for effect to show me how ready and swollen she is for me.

"Ooh," I say as it's heating me up again.

"Look, if you come again before me I won't be mad or anything as long as you're like, getting me off," Meredith giggles.

My eyes snap open again and I realize I'd gotten distracted by Meredith rubbing herself on my leg.

"Oh, wait now, I'm still going to help you out," I smile.

"Oh, yes, more touching please," says Meredith as she guides my hands where she wants them.

I take the hint that Meredith still wants to be in charge here, and I'm perfectly fine with that.

Actually, I find it sort of relaxing that she knows what she wants and what she likes.

Idly, my mind difts for a split second to if she'd been doing this with my husband and I decide to not think about that for the moment (he would probably love that though?).

"Hey, are you still into this?" Meredith questions as she must realize my mind wandered.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry I was just… Lost in random other stuff. I'm back now," I promise.

"Okay good. Just checking," says Meredith.

"Can I touch your breasts now?" I ask Meredith.

"Uh-huh," says Meredith as she guides both my palms to her breasts.

"More," says Meredith as I massage them in my hands.

"More," says Meredith as I grope them roughly.

"More," says Meredith as I pinch her nipples with my fingers and thumbs.

"Do you want me to suck them?" I ask her.

"Yes please," says Meredith with a lopsided grin.

I nod and I lean up to brace my hands against her back and then bring her closer as Meredith leans in so I can latch my lips to her chest.

"Yes," says Meredith, as I kiss the skin in between her breasts.

I move to the left one first, tracing a path with my tongue until I feel her moans right onto the pad of it.

When I land at Meredith's nipple, I

"Umm, so I've done this like maybe once or twice but that was over ten years ago so I might need a few hints," I blurt out awkwardly as I reach her core.

"Oh, it's okay. Just do what you like yourself," says Meredith easily.

"Huh?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You know, when you do it to yourself?" Says Meredith with a scrunched up face. "Addison, it's okay. I do it. You probably do this right? I mean you don't have to say but I've already had my lips on your labia so there's nothing to be embarrassed about here," she offers.

"Umm, I'm not lying, I've just never done it to myself before," I deadpan.

"SERIOUSLY!?" Says Meredith in a tone that resembles Izzie Stevens.

"Seriously," I say, realizing that I also sound a bit like Dr. Stevens right now.

"Wait, like never?" Says Meredith.

"No, I think I'd have remembered," I shrug.

"Wow, you must be really sexually frustrated all the time," Meredith deadpans.

"You have no idea," I laugh.

"Is this why you-" Meredith starts to ask what I think she's going to ask, but then she stops herself because we've had a mutual agreement so far not to talk about anyone else here and Meredith remembers this and doesn't say anything else.

"Do you want me to show you?" Says Meredith.

"On you or me?" I squint, just trying to figure it out.

"Well, ah, is it alright if I say 'me for right now,' because you've already come and I'm just getting worked up here," says Meredith.

"Yeah, ah, you can show me and then I can try?" I say.

"Yeah. I'm even going to have you finish me off," says Meredith confidently.

This is all supposed to be about her right now, but I can't help but realize I'm feeling wetter myself at her sexy words. _God._

"Watch this," says Meredith, as she licks her own right hand and then slides two digits inside of herself.

_Oh. My. God._

"So this is how one fingers oneself," says Meredith slyly.

"Oh-" I say, but I realize it comes out as more of a moan.

The sight of her fucking herself on top of me and the sensations of her groans reverberating through me drew me in.

"Do you want to try now?" Meredith offers.

"With my fingers in you?" I ask to be sure.

"Ya," says Meredith with a smirk.

"Definitely," I say, smiling.

Meredith guides my hand to her opening and then releases it so that I can move when I'm ready.

"Are you ready?" I ask her.

"Yes please, Addison," Meredith says gently.

I push into her gently with one finger and Meredith rocks right away onto my hand.

"Yes, just like that," says Meredith as I hold my hand steady so she can buck her hips as she wants to.

"Another?" Meredith asks me and I comply, adding a second finger easily.

She's wet and swollen so it glides in right away without any resistance, and I realize what I should be doing here and I apply my thumb to her clit.

"Yessss," Meredith hisses as I press onto her sensitive skin.

I do it again, and then again.

And Meredith loves it.

"Is this what you like?" I ask her.

"It is," says Meredith calmly.

Meredith is calm as she's being fucked and I have to say it's pretty damn hot. _Really hot!_

She's more disheveled than before though, and I can tell.

And Meredith is also more comfortable than before, which I enjoy even more.

"Do you want to try being on top?" Meredith offers me.

"Are you sure?" I ask her. Things are going well and I don't want to push too hard.

"Yeah. We can start on our sides if that's better?" Meredith squeaks.

"Sure," I say, and Meredith shifts off of me onto her side and pulls me tiger to her body.

"What would you like now?" I ask her.

"Could you suck on my breasts?" Meredith asks me.

I nod and I get right to that and I suck on them both thoroughly back and forth, and palming the other with my spare hand.

Meredith takes her own hand to run up her stomach as I do this, and she tangles the other in my hair.

"May I taste you?" I ask her.

"Absolutely," says Meredith, without an ounce of hesitation.

"Ah, but how do you want me?" I say nervously, realizing that this might be where I have to be on top of her for this to work.

"It's okay. I trust you. I'm into it. I'll lay on my back and you can taste me, okay?" Says Meredith.

"Alright, and we can stop whenever or change positions if you need to again," I say clearly.

"Thanks, Addison," says Meredith, relaxing into the touch.

Meredith lies back the way she wants to now and she keeps my hand moving in and out as she does this.

"Can you rub my spot harder?" Says Meredith, and I do. I use two fingers to massage her sensitive g-spot as I also circle her clit with my thumb.

"And now, can you lick me?" Meredith asks me.

I grin and I shift back a bit so I'm right in front of her but not on top of her so she'll feel more comfortable.

My tongue laps wide strokes before I get more specific on the spots that she likes, my hand never slowing or wavering as I find a good rhythm.

Meredith is pumping her hits into me and moaning now, "yes, Addison. Good," she praises.

I love her praise. It helps me and heals me. I like to know this is good for her, too. I need that. We need that.

"Are you okay if I come in your mouth? I want to, but only if you want to," Meredith asks me.

"Yes, I'd like that," I say. "Are you close?" I ask Meredith.

"Mmhmm," Meredith says with a smirk.

She is, I can feel that she is in my hand. Meredith's walls are tightening and I can feel the preliminary shudders of her orgasm.

"More," says Meredith.

It's a commanding tone, one I'm sure she'll use in years to come at work once she's higher on the surgical food chain.

For now, though, it's her pure bedroom voice and it turns me on completely.

I add another finger in, and Meredith nods vehemently.

The circles on my hand stay steady, hitting her spot with every movement and sucking her clit right into my mouth.

I don't ask Meredith to come for me as she did because she wants to feel in control.

Meredith tells me when she's going to come though. She knows. I know. We both freakin' know.

It's nice to know this about Meredith even though it's only our first time together. _Wait what?_

_First time together? Does that mean there'll be another? Another time? Huh?!_

As we do this, I continue and I watch the squirms of pleasure that Meredith lets out as she finally lets go.

I can't perceive the kitten-like whispers that pass through Meredith's lips as she orgasms.

My lip-reading skills show me that it's not my husband's name though. I can tell it isn't and I realize I'm feeling relieved. I don't ask her later what she whispered but Meredith tells me anyway.

"It was 'thank you,' that's what I whispered," she said.

"You're welcome," I offer in return.

"You know, you're the best sex I've ever had ever," I blurt out before Meredith has even come fully down from her own orgasm.

"You know, that was probably mine also," says Meredith.

"Probably?" I ask her.

"That I'm sober enough to remember," Meredith sighs.

"Oh. Well, ah-" I have no good response to this, though.

"I wouldn't want to be drunk having sex with you. Or high, but not that I'm really into getting high. I'm just saying I wouldn't want to have forgotten you," says Meredith honestly.

"I wouldn't want to have forgotten you either," I pour out into the dark.

_It started out as s shitty evening at the hospital prom._

_But now that we've given each other the best sex of our lives, we lie there in each other's arms, devoid of all the dresses and panties and pain._

_We're just us here, with no one else to be found. I wish it could stay like this forever. But I know that it can't. Not yet at least. And maybe that's it. Just not quite yet..._

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 22**

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_ Author's Note: _

It’s been a long time coming, but I once read a prompt or comment or something that says “Meredith topping from the bottom,” and I wanted to write a sex scene like this.

It’s also a different way to personify a sexual interaction and talk about boundaries, communication and comfort, all things I like to explore here.

Additionally, yeah there’s the angst and the drama here. Oops, mini-cliffhanger. But not really.

In other news, today has been largely composed of looking through old LiveJournal Meredith/Addison fanfictions. There’s some great stuff out there, I highly recommend it! It’s here:

[ https://ga-fanfic.livejournal.com/?skip=110&tag=shipper%3A%20addison%2Fmeredith ](https://ga-fanfic.livejournal.com/?skip=110&tag=shipper%3A%20addison%2Fmeredith)

Or search up the shipper tag “Addison/Meredith” as a tag on ga-fanfic on LiveJournal.

Question for the author: Have you read  _ every _ MerAdd fanfiction out there!?

Answer from the author: Not at all, actually. Working through it though. Slowly… :D.

Also, check out the biggest  _ interactive  _ masterlist that is in progress:  **Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery: A Learning Library**

[ https://archiveofourown.org/works/25033117/chapters/60630871 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25033117/chapters/60630871)

This will probably be my last post for the weekend, so while I’m on break I encourage you to go read and write and support other authors with praise and comments :D.

_ bobbiejelly _

_ Feel free to check out these while you wait for more of this story: _

[ **Falling Apart, Barely Breathing** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434480)

[ **Soothe** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039004)

[ **Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)** ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276160)

See you soon in the comments,

###  [ **bobbiejelly** ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	23. After (12)

_Author's Note:_

Thanks for your patience in waiting for this update!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 23: After (12)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

"Any word on who was in that car crash?" Addison asks me as we head out of Izzie's room and into mine.

"Callie would probably text you and not me," I say.

"Right," says Addison, picking up her phone.

I cross my fingers as I wait for her answer because I'm terrified. What if it was a bus crash? What if it was George? Or one of our friends!?

I panic a little and Addison holds my shoulder as she reads her text messages.

"Is it George?" I blurt out for no reason. I don't know why my mind jumps to him but it does.

"No, not George. Not anyone we know. And Callie says they're doing fine anyway, she can't release details because it's not our patient," says Addison.

"Oh thank God," I sigh in relief as I sink into Addison's comforting arms.

"Did you really think it was O'Malley?" Says Addison tenderly.

"I have no idea," I say because I really don't. "I just got so scared. I know I once said around when Denny died that 'nobody is leaving and nobody is dying,' but I feel like everyone might leave or die before I'm ready for them to and I'm just so terrified of being alone," I blurt out, and I realize that this, I suppose, is my turn to freak out about my abandonment issues for Addison.

As she holds me I realize I'm terrified that she'll stop holding onto me. When it was Derek I knew he would drop me someday, I mean he's a married man so what the hell was I thinking? But then again, Addison is a married woman so maybe I'm not that much better off.

Somehow this feels different though, and maybe it's because we've both been betrayed by the same man we find some sort of companionship here.

It's hard to imagine that maybe that's why 'we work,' or something, but then again we'll never know now if we'd have worked otherwise. Would we have been attracted to each other had we met before _him_ or would it all have been different?

And at least Addison doesn't want to sleep with me again until after she's divorced from Derek. Normally I'd protest that sort of thing but _I do not protest_ this time because sometimes the sex is worth waiting for. I'm surprised that I'm saying that also, even just to myself. I always thought I'd just be the slutty girl interested in whoring herself out for Attendings but here I am with another Dr. Shepherd who I've fucked after the other one, but this time I'm content to not-fuck until she can get her shit together to not-date her husband.

Wait, did that make sense?

I'm not sure...

"I can feel you thinking," says Addison as she strokes my hair, her words bringing me back down to earth.

"Huh?" I say this because I didn't really process what she just said to me seeing as I was thinking thoughts about the perils of not having an affair versus giving into the temptation of having additional Addison-Montgomery-shaped-adultery...

"You seemed distant, are you alright?" Addison asks me.

"I feel like I should be asking you that," I say, and Addison sighs heavily.

"We're both broken, Meredith. It's alright, we can just take turns falling apart," she says, and I'm not sure why but I love that we're both broken just because it's another thing we have in common that isn't directly Derek-Shepherd-shaped even though sometimes it is.

"I'm scared because I realize that if I let you in I'm going to need you," I admit before I fully realize how true my own words are.

"It's okay to need people," says Addison, but in a way that it's evident that she's trying to convince herself of that fact more than she's offering advice to me about it.

"I wish I could need people and keep people," I say because it's the truth.

"You don't feel like you can keep people?" Addison asks me and I laugh out loud.

"Addison, I'm the one who had the perfect boyfriend until he ended up being married to the perfect wife, who I'd really like to kiss right now but I can't because we're _waiting_ , and all I want is to have a mom who can remember me most days and a dad who didn't get kicked out when I was five and maybe some stickers or something but all of that's not gonna happen and even our dog died so everyone is leaving and everyone is dying and... I just can't lose you too," I finally stutter out the last words and Addison holds me close to her chest.

"I'm not going anywhere," says Addison, her green eyes pale and shimmering because she feels it too; she feels the pain of something that's like something that I feel even if I don't know what it really is right now.

"Addison?" I ask her.

"Yes, Meredith?" Addison asks me.

"Thank you," I tell her.

"You're welcome, Meredith," Addison says confidently but then she starts choking a bit because she's crying too, now. I can't remember when I started crying but I did and she is and we're just both a bundle of tears.

"Meredith?" Addison asks me.

"Will you stay too?" She asks me.

"Yeah," I tell her. "I'll stay for you unless you wanna go," I add to make sure she knows it's her choice.

"Where would I be going?" Addison asks in alarm.

"LA?" I say randomly.

"Well, they do have nice beaches there," says Addison with a smirk.

"Wait you're not going to leave me to go to LA are you?" I say in a panic.

"No, but I could take you there sometime. I have a friend- actually a couple of friends who moved there not long ago," says Addison.

"Oh," I say and then I stumble a bit. " _Oh_ , I say, realizing she means she wants to take me on a work-trip or a vacation or something.

"Meredith?" Says Addison nervously.

"Yes, Addison?" I answer.

"I know maybe I shouldn't say this because it's too early and the papers aren't through and we're waiting but I-" Addison starts. "I have _plans_ ," Addison blurts out.

"Plans?" I ask her.

"Yeah, plans. Remember when Finn was talking about how he had plans and he felt like he could plan out his life around you? Well, now I- you- we-. I have plans…" Addison trials off.

"Wait, you were listening to all that at the Prom about Finn's plans?" I ask her curiously.

"Well, I guess I could hear him, you, whatever, because Derek was too busy oogling you to talk to _me_ , so I guess he was looking at _you_ , and so I ended up talking to Finn after you two… Took a break from the dance…" Addison says carefully and I wince at how she had to picture Derek and I sneaking off there.

"It's okay, Addison. It's okay you heard us. It wasn't a secret," I say reassuringly.

"Thanks," says Addison, un-tensing her body.

"Addison this is, you having plans, you mean about you and I, does that mean, what does it mean?" I ask her, because she sounds like she wants to _be with me_ , and I want that, and I'm also scared because the last person who wanted that with me (erm, her husband, oops) turned out to have a secret wife (erm, Addison, oops), and Finn had plans but I didn't want Finn and now Addison has plans and I _do_ want _Addison_ but I'm afraid she's going to go back to Mark Sloan someday and I just can't handle the idea of her cheating on me even if I cheated too and I realize I'm rambling in my head and everything feels all swirly inside…

"It means I'd like to someday take a vacation with you if you wanted to go with me," says Addison simply.

I take a deep breath because I realize her eyes are less cloudy now and I realize I can see through my tears without blinking. Somehow the promises of more feel alright now. They say that sometimes one shouldn't trust the person to leave their spouse for the mistress but somehow I do trust this half of the McDreamy equation.

Addison has always been honest with me and I guess that's why.

I take another deep breath before I give her my answer.

"I think I'd like that," I announce to Addison.

"I'm glad," she replies as she kisses my forehead.

I realize I'm content sitting here with her already.

(But I'll be ecstatic when Addison is finally only Montgomery, and more importantly to me- when she's _finally_ _my girlfriend._ )

"Can we stay here for a while?" I ask Addison as she moves away from me a little.

I don't want to let her go, even though I know I'll have to, albeit temporarily.

"Yeah, of course, umm, I was just going to ask if you wanted another muffin, I'm just craving them because I get hungry after crying a lot," says Addison.

"Oh, sure. I mean, go ahead and ask Izzie about the muffins. I prefer cookies though," I smile at her.

"I'll see what I can do," Addison smiles as she moves effortlessly to my kitchen and emerges with a plate, a few muffins, a few cookies and two classes of tea.

"You know, I really bet you make the greatest wife ever," I deadpan before I realized I'd said that aloud instead of just in my head.

"Ha- I guess I just put on the moves when I'm trying to impress the girl who made me feel as good as you did that night," says Addison.

"You thought I was impressive?" I ask shyly.

"Very impressive," Addison says in a sultry tone.

"I can't wait until I can impress you in all the best of ways," I lower my voice an octave as I say this.

"Ah, and neither can I," Addison smiles as she hands me a mug of tea.

I smile and take it and settle in to snuggle with Addison for just a little while longer.

No one we knew was leaving or dying for the moment, after all, and we might as well enjoy it.

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 23**

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_Author's Note:_

Yes, there was a direct name-drop allusion to "I Do Not Protest" here because that Meredith and Addison's story by roughian is amazing. If anyone picked up on that please tell me so I know you've read that also and we can bond over how awesome it is!

This chapter was a bit more angsty than funny probably because of reading some angsty fic.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading it :D.

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	24. Before (12)

_Author's Note:_

Rated E for Explicit. Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 24: Before (12)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

Meredith had just finished coming and I was wet again.

Already.

And I was throbbing and needy and I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Meredith…" I say awkwardly, knowing my voice is probably laced with desire.

"Yes, Addison," Meredith says with a coy sort of expression she seems to have adopted in the past several minutes since I'd come into her mouth.

"I need you again," I sigh.

"Already?" Meredith smirks.

"Yes," I admit. I'm a bit embarrassed, actually, that I'm still swollen and I haven't had nearly enough. It doesn't seem to bother Meredith, though, because she's sliding her hand to meet my upper thigh and the moment it lands there, I shudder.

"Please," I beg her.

It's what she wanted though.

What she needed.

Maybe she gets off on me begging, or maybe she just needs to know for sure that I want her.

Probably a mix of both or all of those things.

Either way, I stop thinking about that when Meredith starts raking her hand up my thigh and closer and closer to my core.

"Meredith, can you do that faster?" I say pantingly.

"Sure," says Meredith, as she starts to rub my thigh up and down quickly.

"That's not what I meant," I say frustratedly because I want her to get to my vagina for goodness' sakes.

"Mm, what did you mean then?" Says Meredith with an upturned grin.

_God, Grey is such a little tease._

"Fuck me, Meredith. Now. Jesus," I swear.

"As you wish," says Meredith, finally getting this show on the road again.

She's torturously slow though.

Agonizingly so. She knows exactly what she's doing to me. And I love it. And hate it. But mostly I love it.

I love it because every time I let out a groan or a whimper she growls low in her throat and she moves towards my most erogenous zones with more fervor.

Meredith's hands start on my thighs and move to my hips and stomach and finally to my breasts again.

When her palms start squeezing my whole breasts I buck my hips up in the air onto nothing.

"Eager tiger," says Meredith.

"It's been a long time, Meredith. I miss sex," I finally tell her.

"Didn't you have Derek?" Meredith ponders aloud to me.

"Umm, we tried that. It went, well, umm," I say awkwardly, not wanting to insult my still-currently-my-husband to his current-mistress.

"Right, it sucked. I know actually. You called me _during,_ a few days ago. You thought I was Finn," Meredith admits to me.

"Wait, that was YOU!?" I fret a bit.

"Awkward. But yeah. You called me while you were with Derek. I actually kinda felt bad for you because you didn't sound like you were having a lot of fun," says Meredith sympathetically.

"Umm, awkward," I say because I wasn't having a lot of fun and I'm having a whole lot of fun now and I feel a bit guilty but I also don't and I really just want Meredith's mouth back on my body immediately.

"Meredith, can you please just screw me," I ask her.

"Sure, with pleasure," Meredith softens and leans down to kiss me.

The moments her lips touch mine again my eyes flutter closed and my hands tangle into her hair.

Meredith drapes herself onto me and I pull her close to my chest.

"You do the wildest things to me," I whisper into her ear before nibbling on it.

"You should see how you are while I do them, I feel very lucky to see you this way," says Meredith.

"I don't think anyone's ever said that to me before," I offer, because no one has.

"I'm saying it now, Addison," says Meredith.

"You're pretty when you come as well," I offer.

"I wouldn't know, I always have my eyes closed," Meredith laughs.

My burning desire is still there through this conversation and I start to grind up my body into Meredith Grey's.

"Take me, please. Please, Meredith. Please," I beg her again.

Meredith nods and keeps kissing me as she slips her hand down my body, gracing her fingertips along my sides the whole way until she lands at my pelvis.

"How do you want me?" Meredith asks me.

"Inside, please," I ask her.

Meredith starts with one finger again, and then adds a second.

She goes right for the prize and the moment she enters me again for the second time this evening I start to squeal.

"Oh, oh, yes, oh," I babble incoherently.

Her delicate hands do magical work and she shimmies a second finger into me and shimmies it close.

Meredith hits my g-spot every time with each finger right after the other and I'm painting wildly in seconds.

"Don't stop, don't stop," I pant, and Meredith nods and keeps up her motions.

As she does this, she keeps kissing me and kissing me as she swallows my moans with her mouth.

Meredith doesn't pin my hips this time and I start to buck them up into her hand.

The friction is glorious and soon I'm right at the edge of coming undone.

"Meredith, I'm close, I'm so close, please," I babble as I tug onto her hair.

"Yes, come when you want to Addie, I'm right here," says Meredith gently and I climax as she whispers into my lips.

She swallows my scream as I undulate through my orgasm, feeling the crests of waves come over me now as my body capitalizes on every aspect of the sex that Meredith is offering it.

"Another?" Meredith asks me and I nod as I feel another climax coming on just after the last one.

She can feel it, I can tell she can feel it about to start because I'm clenching around her fingers and then they slam into her hand from the pressure of my release.

"Oh God, Meredith, Oh my God," I swear because it feels so good and she's still pumping her fingers in and out and my voice is all ragged and breathless.

"You're beautiful like this," says Meredith.

I come another time from those words alone.

_No one has ever made me feel as desirable as Meredith Grey does. No one. Ever._

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 22**

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_Author's Note:_

Hopefully, that wasn't too repetitive with the last chapters :D.

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	25. After (13)

_Author's Note:_

Does anyone have any idea which song this fic is inspired by? If you guess before the final chapter, I'll gift you a Meredith/Addison one-shot of your prompting :).

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

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**Chapter 25: After (13)**

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**MEREDITH**

I don't want Addison to go yet.

It's getting later and later and I really don't want her to leave.

Objectively, I know she probably has to, because she doesn't live here, and she's still married, and she's not my girlfriend yet because we're _waiting_ and all.

And I know all of this, and I know it's really for the best… But damn is it incredibly difficult to do the right thing here!

I cradle Addison in my arms while she breathes in deeply and I caress the side of her head.

It's too early to tell her I'm falling in love with her but I think that I already am.

This is torture in all of the best of ways and I can't help but flashback to our night together.

Addison in a prom dress. Addison in my bed at Cristina's secret apartment. Addison writhing in ecstasy…

I sigh again.

I'm trying to be quiet because Addison's fallen asleep and I don't want to wake her.

She looks so peaceful, the same way she looked when she fell asleep that night.

I stayed awake then, too, to see her face calm as the dreams overtook her.

Nothing compared to the way Addison seemed so unburdened and tranquil then.

It felt like a privilege to be in her presence for that.

Sometimes, I wonder if I look that serene in my slumber. It's possible, there's no doubt about that. I have a sudden urge to ask Addison this question, but I'm not going to wake her up from her nap right now just for that.

"Mm?" Addison stirs a bit and I rub her back gently to see if I can have her fall asleep again.

She looked so in need of a good rest… And of course, if she's fully conscious she'll probably say something like 'we should stop this,' or 'I have to go home,' or heaven-forbid 'I have to go back to Derek tonight'.

I empathize with her, really.

When I met her, I was the one who'd been going home to Derek Shepherd and she hated me for it.

Now I hate that she goes to him now, even if in all technicality she has every right to do this-.

It IS her home, after all. Even if she tells me she hates the trailer sometimes.

(It's inconvenient at times, I'll give her that one. Long ago before I ever met Addison, I'd been hanging out on the front steps of the trailer while Derek made breakfast and a squirrel stole the last few bites of my bagel. Seriously, it was incredibly rude of the squirrel!).

Now I laugh at the memory, and I realize that I started laughing again at this imagery.

"Mer?" Addison asks me, and now that it's a coherent word I can tell she's actually awake for good.

"Yeah?" I ask her in a calm tone, trying to take the pain out of my voice.

"What's so funny?" Addison smiles into this sentence, and I relax a little bit when the first thing she's said is not about letting go of me again.

It's not like I want to trap her here; that would be totally weird and odd and just… It's not like that.

I wouldn't want to keep her here if it wasn't out of her own free will.

She wants to stay too, though, or at least I think so because she seems to be curling up tighter into my arms, and I hear her mumble to massage her head a bit more.

"I was just thinking about the wildlife intercepting my breakfast at times," I chuckle and Addison chuckles as well.

"Yeah, so one time a squirrel ate my cereal," says Addison. "Milk and all. It wasn't even a fun kind of cereal, it was the bran bud kind with whole milk and the squirrel just slurped it right up," Addison adds to her story.

"Wow," I laugh, rather impressed.

Turns out we have even these little anecdotes in common with each other.

All of these little things are so sacred to me, now…

"I don't want you to go," I blurt out, because I don't, and it's so hard to think she might have to.

Even if it only is temporary.

"I could stay," Addison offers.

"You could stay," I repeat.

"I could stay, if you wanted me to stay. I mean, it's rude to invite oneself over so…" Addison trails off, and blushes a little and then I realize she just doesn't want to impose.

"Oh, yeah, you could stay, I just didn't want to pressure you. You're invited. I want you to stay," I tell her with a smile.

"Okay," says Addison, her whole face gleaming into a grin.

"Okay," I say as she nuzzles back into my body.

"I don't have any spare clothes," Addison blurts out again.

"I'm sure we'll find you something," I smile.

"I'm taller though," says Addison.

"Right, well, I'm sure something will work," I laugh.

Addison laughs along with me and I suddenly feel alright again.

"Are you sure you don't want to go back?" I ask Addison, and I know I'm asking her a deeper question than just 'back to the trailer tonight.'

I know I'm implicitly asking her 'are you sure you don't want to go back to Derek, as this is your last chance, while he's still your husband,' but I don't dare voice that aloud for fear that it cour be true.

"I'm sure," says Addison easily. "I just want to be anywhere with you," she adds and I melt.

"You have me right here," I say, and I can't resist pressing my lips to her temple and offering her a kiss goodnight.

"Thank you," says Addison, as she nods and yawns again.

"You're most welcome, darling," I say as I soothe her hair back and rock her to sleep again.

_As I drift off to sleep myself, I wonder how long I have to wait until we could finally live together. Maybe here, who knows where, as long as I am there with her, Addison Forbes Montgomery._

* * *

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 25**

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_Author's Note:_

If you'd like to check out another site I've just been told about for fanfiction, especially if you read Portuguese and/or Spanish, Spirit Fanfiction has some Meddison fanfiction, too.

Here's a new profile, if anyone has any suggestions that would be helpful :D.

<https://www.spiritfanfiction.com/perfil/bobbiejelly>

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	26. Before (13)

_Author's Note:_

Rated E for Explicit. Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 26: Before (13)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

"Gosh, you're a marvel when you orgasm," Meredith looks at me with such tender reverence.

"Mm," I flutter my eyes open then closed again as she cradles me to her chest.

"The way you move and shiver. The way you moan for me. The way you gush over my hand. It's so hot. I'm so hot for you, Addison," says Meredith.

This is all from the woman who just made me climax three times in a row on my second round.

She's incredible. Her skills are…

It's unbelievable.

(She's)

"Would you like me to keep kissing me?" Asks Meredith gently.

"Mm," I nod and she leans in and presses her lips to mine again.

It's smooth and gentle after all that exertion, though I notice she's growing restless.

"Would you like me to do you again?" I offer.

Meredith's eyes widen and darken, and I have my answer before she even confirms aloud.

"Yes please," she says as she caresses my hair to my head.

"How would you like me?" I ask her. I know Meredith has strong preferences for the positions she's in while receiving sex.

"Mm…" Meredith thinks for a second, and then she seems to have an idea.

She's shy though, so I'm a little nervous as she starts to tell her my idea.

"Ah, could I 69 with you, with me on top?" Meredith asks me.

"You want to do me at the same time?" I question.

I'm a bit surprised, seeing as she's just finished me and she's already wanting to offer me pleasure, too.

"Yeah," says Meredith. "I really like tasting you," Meredith smirks and I get wet all over again.

"Oh," I raise my eyebrows but I end up moaning out anyway.

"Are you okay with that?" Meredith asks me.

"Yes," I agree lustfully.

Meredith nods and helps me move so I'm lying down in the middle of the bed with my head propped up with a pillow.

"I don't want your neck to be too sore," says Meredith, and I sigh at how much she cares for me, here.

"Thanks, Meredith," I say gently as she moves to position herself.

"Are you ready?" She asks me.

"I cannot wait," I say, shuddering in anticipation of pleasuring Meredith again as she pleasures me.

Meredith lowers herself gently, facing my own center as hers is right by my face.

Meredith's arousal is right there for me to see, and I bring up my hands to her hips to hold onto her.

I was about to tell her how good she looked like this when Meredith started saying the same for me.

"You're still all swollen and ready for me, mm, it's amazing," says Meredith, and I flush again.

I take a sharp breath as Meredith starts caressing my thighs to warm me up again.

"It's okay to enjoy this too, Addison. I enjoy every second of making you feel good," says Meredith as she moves her hands closer and closer to where I want them.

"Touch me," I beg her, and Meredith kisses downwards and I clench her hips in my hands.

"Ohh," my eyes roll to the back of my head, and I have to snap myself out of it to remember to pleasure her back.

"I'm going to start with my tongue and my fingers, okay?" I ask her, knowing she needs to know so she feels in control.

"Yeah, thanks, Addison," Meredith looks back and nods as I begin.

It's different, working from this position because I'm on my back and she's facing away from me so everything is upside down in a way.

For a while I end up fingering her with my fingers facing _away from her g-spot_ rather than the other way around until she corrects me.

"Can you flip your hand?" Meredith asks me.

"Oh, yeah, oops!" I giggle at my own error, and Meredith just laughs.

"It happens, it felt nice but this is even better now," Meredith reassures me.

There's the concentration required to focus on this, where I'm receiving pleasure and giving it sometimes I pause to take it all in, and sometimes Meredith does.

We work in tandem though, encouraging each other with our moans and our touches and kisses.

Meredith is on the edge quicker than me because she's had fewer rounds in so far, and I redouble my efforts once I know that she's close.

"Yes, yes, yes," Meredith calls out for me. She's licking me long and slow as I suck on her clit with broad strokes and I finger her core with two fingers.

"Just a little more," says Meredith, and I hum in response as I use my free hand to brace myself against her so I can apply more fiction from the pad of my tongue.

Meredith finishes in my mouth again, and I clean her right up and help her come all over again.

After Meredith concludes her orgasms she resumes suckling me from where she still is and before I know it I'm convulsing again, my fingers which are still inside her pulsing from the contractions and bringing her to orgasm once more.

By the time we're both satisfied we're panting and breathless and a little bit exhausted from all of the effort.

Meredith asks me to pull out, and I do, and she spins around and tastes herself on my fingers.

"Kiss me," I say, and we do and our lips part for each other again.

The light dance of our tongues as we close our eyes and enjoy each other is so relaxing and connecting.

"Will you stay with me?" Meredith asks me.

As if I wanted to leave after that.

"If you want me to, then I'll stay," I say back to her.

"I'll always want you to stay," Meredith says, eyes wide with vulnerability.

My heart breaks as I realize she probably wants all of me and I also want all of her.

"I'll stay," I tell her as I kiss her again.

_And for that night, at least, I certainly do._

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 26**

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_Author's Note:_

So, yesterday there were no updates - Eek!

Hope you enjoy this one though.

Thanks to everyone who took the day to read some of my past works and also lots of other fanfictions from other authors, some of other meddison authors and some other works I've probably never heard of. Showing our support for all authors here is the best :).

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	27. After (14)

_Author's Note:_

Thank you.

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 27: After (14)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

Addison staying over is just like that first night we spent together; only better.

We got comfortable in our favorite cuddling position, and in an instant, we meld together perfectly.

"I love when we get to hold each other," says Addison, and I nod and agree enthusiastically.

We're both tired though, and the weight of the day is weighing on us.

Soon, I'm yawning, and Addison is yawning, and we're just whispering to each other under the covers.

"I want to hold you every night once I can again," Addison says in a hushed tone once she thinks I'm already asleep.

I wait for ten minutes to hear her start snoring before I say it back to her.

Addison keeps breathing soundly, and soon, I'm lulled into a deep sleep as well.

When we wake up we see the sunset together.

It's exhilarating.

_I want to hold her every night starting now..._

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 27**

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_Author's Note:_

Short and sweet, hoping for a quick turn around for Chapter 28 :).

###  [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)


	28. Before (14)

_Author's Note:_

This chapter has been re-worked on December 22nd 2020 to re-write it from Addison's perspective because the pattern had been broken- more updates to come soon I hope!

Enjoy!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 28: Before (14)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

This first night with Meredith staying over with me at Cristina and hers' secret apartment is lovely… And it's taking us a while to figure out our preferred sleeping arrangements.

It's nice though; the process is still nice.

At first, she had me cuddled into my chest, but then I would whimper and squirm for more contact, so we rolled over and around until we both got comfortable.

Usually, I like to be the 'little spoon,' when I'm with someone. Even when I was with Derek I was, though he'd never admit that to anyone, ever (probably), and especially not to his… ex-mistress… who I'm currently about to go to sleep next to after sleeping with, but I'm just going to focus on the task at hand at the moment...

We tried also cuddling with my head tucked into the crook of Meredith's neck, but then she started wiggling again, and as much as I found it hard to admit it, I was worried about crushing her to have her full weight on me because I'm taller.

So then we found ourselves switching around, with me softly suggesting I tuck her into my chest and wrap my arms around her.

"So… You mean having me as your little spoon?" Meredith asks a bit nervously.

I bite my lip before nodding, "If you're not comfortable with it, I get that… I know you need time to trust people and you're used to being the one who's behind the other person, but I'm taller and I love having you hold me, but I don't want to crush you in my sleep if I roll over onto you…" I articulate.

"Yeah…" Meredith agrees.

I look right into her eyes, and I see that she's wanting so badly to make me feel welcome, and it works so well because I truly do.

"Meredith," I lean in for a moment. "Addie," she kisses me lightly to let me know I'm okay.

I sigh in relief, and when we both open our eyes again we're less stressed than before.

"I want to try being your little spoon," Meredith smiles.

"Really?" I ask.

"Really," she nods.

And her smile is enough to light up the entire room.

So I nod back, and I tucks herself into the bed sideways and gets herself comfortable on the pillow before I motions for Meredith to crawl into space by my chest.

Then, she nods, and I approach her, careful not to step on her hair as she crawls in beside me, and tuck the blankets up to our chins.

"Are you comfortable?" I ask her.

"Very," she says.

"Thank you, I am- I am too," I say, and I realize as I say it that I am.

And of course, I'm so glad that Meredith is.

Normally, she mentions, she doesn't feel okay letting her guard down and having someone hold her, but it breaks my heart in all of the good ways when she says that I'm different; she makes me feel safe, and I make her feel safe. I love feeling her safely tucked into my arms.

"If you ever want to change this up we can, it's okay if you wake me," I offer.

"Likewise," Meredith smiled, reaching to move her hand into mine, and nuzzling into my arm to sleep.

"Mm," I sigh contentedly, as I rest my chin on my head and I close my eyes.

"Mm, goodnight Addie," she says as I start to drift off.

"G'night Mer," I return, half asleep already.

Meredith goes to sleep right away, and I stay awake just a little longer to feel her heartbeat against my own, as we snuggle together, and start to feel one with each other, as well as even more in tune with ourselves.

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 28**

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_Author's Note:_

Thanks for reading this semi-update, and let me know what you enjoyed about it!

Any predictions for future chapters? Any favorite parts of this story so far? How do you like the format?

:D

**bobbiejelly**


	29. After (15)

_Author's Note:_

Please note that Chapter 28 was edited earlier in order to keep it in line with the changing perspectives and the times, the plot is similar but it might be interesting to catch up with that chapter in its new form before this one if you've read that before December 22, 2020.

Otherwise, behold and enjoy Chapter 29 :).

Thank you so much for reading this!

_bobbiejelly_

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 29: After (15)**

* * *

**MEREDITH**

When we're woken up, it's not with a bang, it's with a-

"MEREDITH! OPEN UP!" A voice calls out from the bottom steps.

"Who is it?" I groan, desperately hoping it isn't Derek.

It isn't, actually, it's someone else.

Someone I'd nearly forgotten about in a daze;

"Finn?" I question, as I hear footsteps coming right up the stairs.

"Yes, are you alright?" He asks me.

Gosh, Finn was such a good guy, he is such a good guy, and he had all sorts of new plans involving me, and he's definitely the better guy, so I hate to break the news to him like this.

"Can I come in?" Finn asks politely as he knocks on my bedroom door.

"Umm- just a second," I call out, panicking as I attempt to throw some clothes on, and cover Addison up with two blankets.

"Take your time!" says Finn, and it's a huge relief that he's not impatient.

_At least he's not beating my damn door down._

"Okay, yeah, ah- I'm good," I say as I open up the latch and Finn Dandridge walks in.

He looks just as calm and collected as before, with his McVet expression, his sweater-vest, and his distinctive expression that would be soothing if I didn't feel like I was about to break his heart into bits all over again.

"I came to bring you some more ice cream, it's mango this time," Finn says simply, and I have to blink six times before I understand what he's saying.

"You came all this way just to bring me ice cream?" I say, rather surprised.

"Yeah, says Finn. "I thought you might need it after the prom, I mean, I saw you run off so I figured you might have had a rough night," Finn offers, and I bite my lip guiltily as the memories of how I'd _actually_ spent the rest of my prom night filled my mind.

"Thanks-" I gesture for him to lay the container down on the table.

"I brought up some spoons as well, I got them from your kitchen, I hope you don't mind," Finn shrugs as he even hands me some napkins,

"You didn't have to do this-" I say, because there's nothing else to be said here.

"It's no problem, as I said the last time, I was in the neighborhood, and I know you're still mourning Doc, so I thought this could be like _shiva_ , but for non-Jewish people also," Finn offers.

"You really are the better guy, aren't you," I sigh.

"Probably, but you already knew that, didn't you?" Finn laughs. "Besides, you might not need to have the 'better guy,' after all," Finn turns on his heels to walk away, and at that moment, I wonder exactly what he'd already known, and what he'd found out, and from who.

"I'll leave you to it then, you let me know if you ever want to adopt another pet sometime, and I'll let you know if I ever birth another horse in the near future. You could come by again for that if you want, and it doesn't even have to be date-like," Finn offers.

"Thanks," I say easily, hoping that he'll find somebody to love again seeing as he's just as easy to get along with as ever.

"Oh, and you can bring your friends if you like. They might enjoy birthing horses too," Finn laughs.

"They just might, we'll see," I nod, and he walks away, and I close the door again.

As I move to put the spoons down, Addison starts stirring again, and I soothe her hair as she grumbles "good morning."

"Good morning to you, sleepyhead," I can't help the big smile that's forming all over my face.

"Was that McVet?" Addison groans for me to snuggle her back into bed again.

"Yeah," I offer, not bothering to ever lie to her.

"What did he want?" Addison wonders aloud.

"To give us mango flavored ice cream, apparently," I motion towards the container.

"Ooh! Ice cream!" Addison exclaims, suddenly wide awake and excited.

"Wait, you want it for breakfast!?" I pretend to chide her.

"Only if you share it with me," Addison says charmingly, and I absolutely cannot resist her.

So Addison props herself up on some pillows, and I prop myself up leaning against her shoulder, and I open the container and let her have the first taste.

It's delicious, just like the first one, only this time it's better because I have someone to share it with.

_When the container is almost all gone, I realize, idly, that Finn must have somehow known that I hadn't been alone in my room, because he'd brought up two spoons and two napkins._

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 29**

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_Author's Note:_

All of the appreciation for this work have been greatly appreciated! Thanks for everyone who's said how much this story means to them, and your editing suggestions are also welcome as this is a challenging format and a new one at that. Have a good one!

**bobbiejelly**


	30. Before (15)

* * *

**Lost & Found**

* * *

_Meredith Grey isn't the only one who lost her panties the night of the hospital prom. This is the story of when Derek Shepherd finds Addison Montgomery's panties in Meredith's prom dress._

* * *

**Chapter 30: Before (15)**

* * *

**ADDISON**

When I wake up, I smile because I can still feel Meredith's sleeping form pressed up against my arms. She did fall asleep there, and she must have stayed there.

I sigh contently, recalling all of the memories from the previous night.

It was prom, Meredith ran off with Derek, and then she ran off with me.

We had sex.

Oh, but did we ever have sex.

It was the best sex I'd ever had in my entire life.

Just the thought of it had my body heating up, and my face flushing.

_Meredith kissing me. Meredith teasing me. Meredith looked down at me before she touched me._

It was tender; yet rough.

All of the perfect dichotomy bundled into one.

It was a lot to process though- it still was an affair, and it wasn't Meredith's only one. On the one hand, I just want to stay here forever with her in my arms. On the other hand though, the reality is that I'm still a married woman, and Meredith is still… Our…(?)... Mistress.

How could I ever explain this to Derek? How would she explain this to Derek? How can we walk around the hospital now with everyone knowing what sins we've all commited.

The consequences of our actions are going to be chaotic at best.

While she's here though, I nestle my head next to hers, and I take in her warmth and her sweet scent.

She stirs a while later, and I cling onto her harder because I don't want her to go yet, and I don't want her to walk out of here without us speaking.

I have no idea what to say yet, but maybe she'll know something to say, and maybe that'll make it better for just a little while.

"Morning," I whisper, as I tuck a piece of hair away from her face.

"Morning," Meredith murmurs, as she flips herself around so she can face me.

"Did you sleep well, Addie?" Meredith asks me.

"I did, especially because I woke up next to you," I can't help but smile.

Meredith smiles again with me, and she pulls me close to her chest. "You look gorgeous in the morning," Meredith compliments me.

"Thank you," I melt a little. "So do you."

It's still early in the morning, and we don't have work until later.

As I remember the previous evening, my body starts having it's own ideas as to how it would like to spend the rest of the time.

"May I kiss you again?" Meredith asks me, and that's how I know we're both definitely on the same page.

"Yes please," I pull her on top of me, and just like that we're kissing again.

Her tongue dances gently past my lips, and I'm moaning again as she warms me up with her touches.

She kisses my earlobe, my neck, and my jaw, taking her time as she kisses my lips in between.

"I had dreams about you," Meredith murmurs to me wickedly. "I had dreams about us spending time together," Meredith softens, and with that, I groan and cover her mouth with my own again.

This time it's soft and not rushed, as she runs her hands down my body, and lifts her hands under my shirt.

"May I?" She asks me sweetly.

"Yes," I moan loudly.

She takes it off, and she moves to my breasts, kissing them and stroking them with her tongue.

We're both sensitive in the morning, and she takes this into account as she's all lips and no teeth, the rough movements replaced for the moment with delicate ones.

"Can you take off your shirt too?" I ask her, and Meredith lifts it up over her head.

I reach for her, and Meredith leans down to kiss me, and I reach up to palm her breasts into my hands.

"I can't wait for this," I moan, as I urge Meredith to go faster.

"Just enjoy," Meredith says slowly, as she teases her hands lower and lower for me.

_And as slowly as I had woken up, so much more quickly was I falling deeply into the abyss._

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****** **END OF CHAPTER 30**

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**Author's Note:**

> Thanks all. Let me know if you're interested in more of this. Have a great day!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Prom?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24438112) by [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)




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